Debra’s father passed away few months ago. During that time, she was all by herself. Her mum passed away few years ago, and the entire family consists of her father, her elder brother and herself. Unfortunately, the elder brother had an argument with the father and left the house. He went to chase after his dream and became a chef in a famous restaurant.

When her father passed away, she has nobody to turn to but her elder brother. Unfortunately…he could not be reached. She asked for help from her friends, my ex-colleague included and they tried to track him down. He changed a lot of jobs and to their surprise…he’s currently in Middle East…and could not be reached. So Debra was all by herself…and few of her friends who are trying to help out.

I’m sure some of you might have heard stories like this before….stories where people, due to a misunderstanding or miscommunication, or due to their own ambitions (like chasing after money, materials, etc)….. often neglect the people who are precious to them. Some even missed out on the chance to say goodbye to their loved ones…..and could only live in regret.

To be honest, this is not the first story I’ve heard. There was this lady who called to a radio station many many years ago…crying…and said that she could not bid one last farewell to her father who passed away while she was working and earning money in Europe (she wanted to earn more to give her father a better life in Malaysia). But in the end, all those money didn’t really matter because her father was no longer around.

Sad stories, yeah. But they all serve an important lesson to all of us – cherish our loved ones while they are still around. Be there for them when they need you. Any material and any amount of money does not matter as much as the welfare of your loved ones. And most importantly, make sure the decisions you make will not create a life full of regrets for you later on.

And to Debra (not her real name, and she doesn’t know me), I hope you’ll be strong. You still have plenty of good friends around.

As for Debra’s brother….it’s good to chase after his dream and ambition….but how would he feel, when the news of his father’s passing finally reached him…maybe 6 months later?

So they wait…and wait…and wait….ignoring other opportunities which appear around them.

And it won’t come as a surprise if I tell you that some people actually spend their entire life waiting for such golden opportunities. 1 year become 5 years…and 5 years become 10 years….and so on. By the time they realized, it’s all too late and they would’ve wasted much of their life waiting for nothing.

Do you want to end up this way as well?

To be fair, sometimes there’s no harm to wait for a better opportunity or a better option. But the key here is not to wait too long or become too obsessed with that one ‘golden’ opportunity. Waiting is okay, but you have to know when to stop waiting and call it quit. I know it’s not easy to give up on something you strongly believe in…but at times, that will be your best option.

Let me give you a simple example (used by the radio One FM). Lee brought Muthu to visit a client. Upon arriving at the lobby area in ground floor, they found out that the lift has broken down. Muthu, being the lazy person he was, decided to wait for the lift to be repaired since the client’s office was located at the 12th floor. Lee, on the other hand, had a feeling that the lift would be out for quite some time. So, he took the risk and used the stairs. In the end, the repairman was not able to fix the lift on the day itself and Muthu was penalized for not attending the meeting with the client.

As you can see, Muthu did not want to take the risk and grab the available opportunities. He strongly believed that the lift would return to normal soon. So he waited. Lee took the risk and went for the other seemingly better opportunity – to use the stairs. True, maybe the lift would return to normal once Lee went for the stairs but it was a risk worth taking.

Last but not least, I hope that everyone who reads this article will learn to be more open-minded and pay attention to the countless opportunities which present themselves to us in our daily life. The opportunities that we strongly believe would work might not work at all and the golden opportunity that we believe would come might not come in the end. So, there’s really no point for us to be stubborn and hold on to something which is not going to bring us anything good.

I know it’s easier said than done. But understanding such situations/cases will certainly help (at least for me).

Yet, this is not the worst I’ve heard. A friend recently told me about her mum (she works as a part time helper for those rich aunties who have just given birth…er…forgot what’s the name of the job) who ended up getting blue black because the rich auntie’s 5-year-old boy did a flying kick on her. The same boy went on and slapped, kicked and threw stuff at his maid (not my friend’s mum). All these were done right in front of his mother and the mother did not say anything at all.

I really wonder what is wrong with these parents? I know they love their children so much that they do not want to punish them. But do they think such sickening behaviors will help their children when they grow up? I seriously doubt so. Kids nowadays do not know what is the meaning of respect especially respect towards the elders. This is fast becoming a very serious problem in our society….. and if parents do not want to teach their kids properly….what do they expect the school teachers can do? Everything begins AT HOME. If the first stage fails, don’t expect it to proceed to 2nd stage (school).

So people, I do hope all of you reading this will be a responsible parent and teach your kids properly. Respect is a very important thing in our world. Without respect, things will go out of control very fast. Let’s try to learn how to respect one another…our family, friends, elders, colleagues, teachers, etc….and together, let’s build a healthier and better society.

p/s…… you know what…a friend of mine told me this story about his niece. His brother is actually a very rich person and you know what his brother told his niece? “Don’t worry if you can’t get good result in exam or if you are lazy to study, papa has enough money for you to spend for your entire lifetime”. =_= no wonder we have so many spoilt brats nowadays.

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs. The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, ‘There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs – millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!’ So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks.

The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, ‘Well… where are all the frogs?’ The farmer said, ‘I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!’

Most of the time, problems seem to be bigger than they really are. Why? Because our mind made them so. We “over think” or worry way too much….more than necessary. But for most cases, we have no control over such problems and worrying about them do not change things for the better. Instead, it will only make things worse and it is very draining on ourselves.

The funny thing is, we worry so much….and could not sleep well….but when we really managed to get some sleep and wake up the next time, the problems will somehow become not-so-big. What seemed to be big and overwhelming problems the night before, might end up being something small and unimportant.

I know it’s easier said than done because I myself worry too much at times over things I have no control over. And I know how draining it can be. It’s something most of us need to learn – to stop spending too much time worrying over things we cannot control and to realize that when we really take a closer look at those problems, they might not be as serious as we initially thought they are.

The lack of communication will cause other side effects. If you don’t communicate often, you will start to guess. There will be a lot of MAYBEs in your mind. Because without talking to the other person, you will never know what that person is really thinking and what is actually happening to that person.

Source: http://www.nyrealestatelawblog.com

Let me give you a simple example. You cared for a friend (let’s assume it’s a HE here) who was undergoing a difficult time in his life. You tried to call him up and chat but he refused to talk. You have no idea what else you could do. A lot of assumptions would cross your mind….was he really okay? What happened to his job? What happened to his family? Was he angry or disappointed of something you did? Did you do something which betray him? You could go on and assume but you would not have your answer without talking to him. So the lack of communication between you and your friends would produce a lot of guesses and assumptions….and potentially misunderstandings and arguments.

That is why I always feel that communication plays a very important part of our life. True, there are people (like myself) who at times, cannot really express myself well….but I feel, no matter what, all of us should try. Because trying is better than not trying at all. And to try is definitely better than getting involved in a misunderstanding with someone you care.

So have you been keeping in touch with your friends? Have you been communicating properly with those you care? Do you have someone in your mind that you really want to call and chat? Why not just do it? Call them up. Ask them how have they been. Start to communicate with the people you care about. Talk to them. Listen to them.

As for me, I’m glad that I’ve managed to keep in touch with few of my old friends. Just met up with an old friend of mine a few days ago…someone who I did not contact for 2 years. Glad to have done that.

p/s…. she appeared in 1 of the comics i posted in 2008. I think some of you might have read it.

No matter what the reason, repeating ourselves too often, in my humble opinion, might not be good all the time. If you are trying to improve your skill at something, or trying to learn up a new stuff, then YES, repeating is good because it is something constructive. On the other hand, if you are doing something destructive, repeating it is not healthy at all and it certainly won’t bring you any good.

Always remember that repeating over something is to make that something better, stronger and BIGGER. It applies to constructive repetition, AND also destructive repetition.

Take myself for example. Sometimes when I am having a bad day, I will try to find a few good friends online and tell them what had happened. They would listen and give me their opinions. Sometimes I do feel better after telling one or two people….but there were times, when I would end up telling 4 or 5 people. What happened then? I felt worse! I could feel I’m becoming more negative than before because I kept reminding myself of that negative feeling. I’m repeating myself and subsequently building up that negative feeling.

That’s why I decided to stop that. Nowadays, whenever I feel down or moody, I would just find 1 or at most 2 friends to talk about it. I do feel better and I can see what are their opinions on that particular issue. I will try my best not to tell more than 3 people. If I ever do that, I will start asking myself, why am I doing that and what do I intend to achieve by telling so many people? Sympathy? So yeah, stop at 2 and just forget the issue altogether. Wash it away. Start focusing on other more important things in life.

I’m not sure if this helps you, but I’m currently practicing this and I find it to be quite useful. Because I seriously believe that repetition should only be used to build up something useful and constructively. Destructive and negative stuff? Say it out and throw it away.

Of course all the employees in the office were afraid of him but most of them were not happy as well. People started to leave but  few of them had no choice but to continue to work. Then one day, 2 employees made a mistake which caused the manager to terminate them on the spot. It was a small mistake. And this action of his created an uproar among the existing employees.

Soon, the director became aware of this incident and came to investigate. He had a 1 to 1 chat with the manager.

Director: Why did you terminate the 2 employees over such a small mistake?

Manager: I’ve warned them that I would terminate anyone who is not performing or is making the company lose money.

Director: Everyone makes mistakes and this is but a small mistake. Also, do you think you have actually found the solution by terminating them?

Manager: ……..

Director: So in the end, the underlying problem has not been fixed. All you did was to react unproductively to a problem. Now, we’ve lost 2 people, and the problem is still there.

Yes, it’s easy for people to just sit down, complain or even punish those responsible. But everybody makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect in this world. So rather than punishing, complaining and whining…..why not focus on the problem and how can one come out with a solution to fix it?

Nothing is more important than to find a solution to a problem. So, be aware of what you are focusing on when you’re faced with a problem.

p/s….. over the years, many people have been terminated by hot shot directors/managers who love to flex their management muscles (abusing their authority). This is the harsh reality of the corporate world. Yet, most of them only know how to show off their authority and not solve the underlying problems. Because for them, their ego can only carry them that far.

That’s why we have so many arguments, conflicts, misunderstandings, miscommunication, etc. And it can happen everywhere – in office where employees cannot perform up to the boss’ expectation, at home where a perfectionist parent punishes his son for getting 95/100 in the exam, or a wife who keeps complaining about her husband’s lame jokes and why he never bother to learn how to cook.

Yea, we complain, we nag AND we hope that one day these little imperfect things in life will just go away. We hope everything will turn out perfectly well. But sadly, there’s no such thing as perfect in this world. Nothing is perfect.

So why don’t we just wake up from this lost dream of ours and learn to appreciate things more? And yes, that includes all the little imperfect things in life. Observe these imperfect things and remember them because as with everything else in this world, they don’t last forever. And when they’re really gone, it might be too late for you to realize how much you actually miss them.

The last thing you want to do, is to actually miss something when it’s gone. So, start changing your perspective and who knows, maybe all these imperfect things you’re complaining about might not be that imperfect after all.

p/s….. Well, theoretically speaking, the definition of ‘perfect’ is actually up to the person to decide…so…yea, if you know how to lower your expectations, maybe you CAN achieve perfection.

p/s….. for the examples given above. Perhaps one day, when the boss left the company, he would remember the funny and tense moments when he scolded everyone in the team. For the perfectionist parent, he would recall how his son tried to use all the tricks to avoid studying. And for the wife, well, I’m sure she would miss the lame jokes when her husband are not around.

The sad thing is, we’re becoming too occupied for our own good. We are so busy that we do not have the time to notice other people around us. We have lesser time for our family, our friends, and our neighbors. Gone were the days when we go visit our neighbors during weekends. Heck, sometimes it’s even difficult to have all the family members sit down and dine together. There will always be 1 or 2 missing family members who are too busy with their work.

And when we finally have a bit of time, we’ll either be too tired to go out or too busy trying to relax ourselves. So the most we can do is to send a short e-mail, or a simple SMS to whoever concerned. That’s it. No more snail mails (I still love snail mails actually though I don’t do it anymore). Lesser phone calls. And yeah, less frequent meet-ups as well.

So when people say technology brings everyone closer….in a way, it does. But it will only bring people “this” close….and nothing more. In fact, the warm feeling when you’ve received a snail mail from someone halfway across the globe….will never be there again. The warmness of people will start to fade with time, and the advancement of technology.

Also, if you do notice one thing, the number of hi-bye friends that we have tend to get more and more (people we don’t really notice, also known as passerby)… and the number of ‘true’ and close friends, becoming lesser and lesser. Depressing, isn’t it?

But it’s not hopeless yet. There is still something we can do – learn to appreciate and free up some of our time to BE THERE for people. It can be 5 minutes short call, 10 minutes of conversation, or 30 minutes of lunch appointment. Or just a couple of minutes of heart-to-heart chat. Be there and notice the people around you.

Remember, busy is not an excuse for not being there when someone needs you most.

Bob (fictional character)’s grandfather passed away few months ago. During the funeral procession, they had to drive through the city area and very few cars bother to slow down and let them pass, even though they have the funeral flags. They spent quite a long time trying to squeeze through the bad traffic. And when they’ve came out from the city area, and as they were passing a construction site, a group of construction workers looked at them, took their hats off, let them pass and stopped working.

It’s a sad story but I can see it happening in a lot of places in this world. Heck, I even witnessed an ambulance (with siren on), struggling to squeeze through the heavy traffic in China! Nobody, and I mean NOBODY wanted to give way.

Sometimes I do wonder, is it really that difficult to have a little more respect for one another? What is there to lose, if we just slow down or even stop our car, to let the funeral procession to go through? Can’t we even pay our last respect to the person? Is whatever we’re doing really matters THAT MUCH?

To be honest, I seriously doubt a few seconds of delay to whatever we’re doing can be catastrophic.

So people, perhaps it’s time for us (if you’re not doing it already) to slow down and take notice of the people around us, strangers included. Learn to notice that they are there, and learn to have respect for one another. Remember that the best gift you can give someone is your time, even if it’s for 3-5 seconds.

p/s…. Hmm, now that I think of it, I personally feel that the give way to an ambulance, if not for the fear of getting traffic summonses from our police officers.