But rather than focusing on such a big scale, I would say start small. Start by thinking how you can make the people around you feel better with just 5 minutes. Observe and notice the people around you who are in need of your help. Then think of what you can help them with. You can use that 5 minutes to be a good listener, a good companion, to cheer someone up, to help get something done, or to just talk to a lonely friend. Use that 5 minutes to make a difference in someone’s life.

It might not seem to be a lot with just 5 minutes but sometimes, one does not need to go to a great extent just to make a difference. Something simple and nice would do the trick. And most often than not, 5 minutes are all you need to make that happen. Big difference, and minimal impact on your time. Ideal, isn’t it?

Of course, if you have sufficient time, you can always extend it to 10 or 20 minutes. But bear in mind that, even with 5 minutes, you are already doing much better than a lot of people in this world who care less for the depressed souls around them. Remember that the key thing here is to show that you do care.

It’s always other people or other things. It’s always THEM. It’s never US.

That’s one of the weaknesses suffered by many of us. We love ourselves so much that whenever we make a mistake, we push it to other people. It’s easier that way isn’t it? But really, how much does blaming other people for our mistake, help us? Nothing! Maybe we’ll be relieved that it’s not really US, but only for a short period of time. And that’s about it! Oh, we also don’t get to correct our own mistakes since …well…we don’t realize it’s really US. We can’t correct something that we’re not aware of. No?

So if you really want to improve yourself, you should stop putting blame on everyone and everything. Do some self reflections. Maybe some of the mistakes/problems/errors are really caused by YOU and not other people.

For example, if you have been retrenched, maybe it’s because you are not contributing enough. If you’ve fallen sick, perhaps it’s due to the excessive food you’re consuming. If you’re caught in the jam, perhaps it’s because you choose to oversleep for 30 minutes instead of waking up in time to avoid the jam. Yes, a lot of the issues and problems CAN be avoided if we take control.

But please don’t start doing all those self-damaging thing to yourself. That’s the last thing this article wants you to do. Take responsibility is the right term here. Not pushing the blame and responsibility to other people.

p/s…. but sometimes, there are things which are so dead obvious it’s not our mistake. Well, we can blame others but for a short period since blaming others won’t help us much anyway.

It happens all the time, irregardless of where you’re in (though the possibility is higher if you’re living in big cities). People will just come to your house and say things like “wow, your house is sooooo small” or “are you still driving that old junk?” or “my son got the first place in his entire school, what about your son?”. The list goes on and on.

No matter what they say, the objective is the same – to make you feel bad and to make them feel superior.

I know it’s frustrating to encounter such relatives especially when Chinese New Year is supposed to be a cheerful and happy occasion. The last thing we want is for someone to belittle us and make us feel inferior.

But hey, remember, we do have choices. We can ….

• screw the person back and make the atmosphere hostile.
• give a forced reply just to feed the person’s ego so that he/she can shut up.
• ignore the person completely.
• or, tell the person nicely that you are content with what you have.

For me, I prefer the last 2 choices. If they want to boast, or show off, let them be. By behaving this way, it shows they are insecure and they need something/someone to assure them that they are indeed doing a better job than others. Insecure people are mostly (if not all) unhappy. They can boast about the Ferrari or the 1 billion cash, but deep inside them, it’s empty and they don’t like it.

Also, if they want to compare, there’s always someone better than them. So what if you have 1 Ferrari? Some people have more than that. So what if you get the first place in your school? Someone else got the first place in the whole country! Yes, comparing with each other will never end. If you think you are good, and you want to step someone down so that you can feel superior…..always remember that there are always others who are BETTER than you.

At the end of the day, why do you even bother to show off or boast since you’re not really that great? On the other hand, someone who realizes that such comparison is meaningless, is also someone who is content with what he/she has. By being content, there’s no such need to compare and by being content, this someone is truly happy.

So the question one should ask is not whether he/she is better than others…. but whether is there really a need to compare with others?

p/s…. Oh, and if someone comes to me and tries to boast, I’ll seriously say “Good for you”, smile and walk away.

One day, a tourist was in a trishaw, peddled by a man in his 30s. As they stopped at a traffic light on a busy street, a disabled beggar who could not walk properly approached them. The beggar first approached the owner of the trishaw (the man in his 30s) but the man refused to give him anything. The beggar then approached the tourist who gave the beggar $10. After the beggar went off, they continued their journey for about 10 minutes before reaching the tourist’s destination.

The tourist got off from the trishaw, paid the trishaw owner and said this to the owner “How could you be so heartless just now? That guy was disabled and you could’ve spared him a dollar or two.” The trishaw owner smiled but did not say anything. He then got off from the trishaw and slowly pushed the trishaw forward. The tourist immediately regretted what he said.

The trishaw owner was also a disabled person who could barely walk properly.

I relate this story here because just the other day, I was approached by a beggar who was missing his right hand. My dad donated some money to him but for me, I would not do that. He’s not that old and he CAN find a job if he wanted to.

For me, the greatest disability one could have is the lack of willpower. If you do not want to work for yourself, nobody will. And for this, I really want to give my utmost respect to a friend of mine who lost his leg but never gave up. I dare to say he has a stronger will (and more successful) than most ordinary people out there.

p/s…. I know this can be a sensitive topic to touch but just writing how I personally feel. We should only help those who are desperately in need of our help, not those who can fend for themselves.

“This doctor can or not?”

“Why ask me to come here when that doctor not around?”

“How long have to wait?”

“So many patients one, so how long ah?”

…and all the while, the nurse was on the phone with another doctor.

We’ve seen this multiple times be it in a meeting, in an interview, during a presentation, in the operation room, etc. But bombarding the other person with questions after questions is useless if you don’t at least let that person time to think how to answer you. Or worse, not enough time for the person to even give you an answer.

And if there’s no answer, what’s the point of asking questions in the first place?

So if you really want to get some explanations or some proper answers, please respect the other person and give that person some time to reply you. Unless, the sole purpose of your questions is to make the other person feel stressed up – some interviewers do use this technique. Otherwise, you should always refrain from being so impatient.

Ask – respect – be patient – wait – get the response – and ask your next question.

Oh, and the auntie, she didn’t really get her answers back. She asked more than 5 questions but the nurse only heard 1 of them. But kudos to the auntie, she was actually bringing her elderly mother to see the doctor. For this, I respect her and I think a lot of young people should learn from her.

“If only I could be as smart as Einstein”.

“If only I have as big a house as he has”.

“If only I could be like him….”

Most people like to think that way… if only they can be like someone else. If only they can have what someone else has.

Yes, all they do is to dream of having other people’s ability or luck. They never really think of themselves. Neither do they think FOR themselves. What do they really want for themselves? What do they really wish to achieve in life? What are their objectives in life? Questions like these are far more important than all the fake illusions of being someone else.

Also, it’s important for people to learn to appreciate themselves – their physical self, their talents, their abilities, their uniqueness. They might not be as rich as Bill Gates in terms of $$$, but they can be richer in some other terms. They might not be as artistic as Van Gogh, but they can be more artistic in some other areas as long as they believe in themselves. Yes, each of us has a role to play in this world. Van Gogh and Bill Gates have their own roles…so do you, as long as you….

… believe in yourself. If you don’t believe in your own abilities and keep hoping you can be like someone else, then the future does look bleak for you. Because in the long run, the person which you want to become so much, might end up becoming your biggest obstacle to your true self. You will be forever living under the person’s shadow and the biggest success you can ever achieve, is to be another “him”. I’m sure you deserve more than that.

So stop imagining and hoping you can be like someone else. Start believing your own self. Think what you really want to do in your life. Set up short term and long term life goals. Then work towards these goals.

Last but not least, just be yourself…. your unique self. You deserve to live in this world as yourself, not behind another person’s shadow.

But really, what do you think is the true definition of “success”? I believe it depends on people. Our world encourages us to think of success as being able to dress in branded stuff, drive big cars, live in big houses …… our world huh? well, more like how the salesman and the marketing people would love us to think. After all, that is the image they want us to have in mind, and the direction they want us to go, so that they can earn money from us. Otherwise, who would want to buy things from them? Perhaps that is also why there are so many commercials and advertisements portraying “successful” looking people with big cars, branded clothing, etc.

No, that is not how it should be. My definition of “success” is not about driving big cars, living in big houses or having power and authority over other people. My definition of “success” is more family and community related. I will regard someone as successful in life if the person takes good care of his/her family and also his/her own community.

However, the reality is that more and more of our most talented people are moving towards the finance sector because that is where all the money can be located. The false image of “success” which is tied to luxury stuff, is linked to one thing and one thing only – MONEY. That is why being the most rewarding sector, most people would prefer to go in and earn as much money as possible. They want to be regarded as “successful” by other people – not for their contribution to the community, but for their money.

Sadly, this is how our world is becoming. But I still strongly believe that it’s not hopeless. We still have some passionate people who prefer to remain as scientists, artists, craftsmen, etc. They don’t earn as much, but to me, they’re more successful than most people because of their contribution to the community. They are doing their best to improve mankind and that’s the thing which I respect the most.

So if you still think that “success” is related to money, then perhaps you should try to change the way you think.

Remember that each of us only passes through this life ONCE, and it is really up to us to either earn as much money as possible for ourselves, or to help this world a better place to live in especially for our future generations. It’s our call.

p/s…. I notice that my writing skill is becoming worse after staying away from blogging for about a week. Sorry if my sentences don’t seem to make any sense for you.

But do we ever notice them? Do we ever acknowledge that they are there?

People tend to notice only their friends or people they know. If you know someone you don’t know looking at you, you will most probably ignore and just walk away.

Maybe from now onwards, you can make a change. Greet people you don’t know in the lift. Smile. Or, if you notice that someone you don’t know is looking at you, just smile politely. Or if a salesgirl approaches you and you’re not interested, just say sorry, smile and walk off slowly.

Never pretend they’re not there. It’s rude. And also, by acknowledging others, you might be able to make their day a better one. So, why not?

I used “was”, because my friend told me, his good friend has just passed away due to cancer few months ago. It was very sudden. My friend then told me the whole story and somehow, I’m deeply touched by the entire incident. Perhaps it’s because I can imagine myself in that position, to lose someone so dear, in such a short time and totally out of expectations. I was completely speechless after that and didn’t know what to say.

To make things worse, this friend of his has actually lost her boyfriend due to cancer 2 years before this. She was really unlucky even though she came from a very rich family and had the opportunity to further her studies in US and UK. Her friends used to be envious of her because of her background, and they often regarded her as someone lucky.

But in her diary, she wrote that her greatest gift was her family and friends… not the money, nor the opportunities.

And I agree with her. Having all the money in this world is useless if you cannot even spend quality time with your family and friends because money can only bring you ‘that’ far. How often have you heard of stories where rich people end their life due to loneliness or rich people trying so hard to know some real friends? Because money can’t bring you those. Money can’t buy everything.

And really, if you don’t have the opportunities to spend quality time with loved ones…. what’s the point? Do you think you can still lead a happy life?

So stop thinking that people who can fly here n there, buy big houses and cars, and can afford everything they ever need ….are lucky. Because that is not how you should define “lucky”.

At the end of the day, family and friends, and the moments you spend with them, are the things that will decide whether you’re a lucky person or not. Nothing else matters more than them.

And people, always remember that life is really fragile. It just takes a few seconds to decide your fate, to decide whether you’re going to continue living in this world, or not. So, just live your life to the fullest. Stop giving excuses for not doing certain things that you really want to do. Also, if you feel like you’re wasting your time doing something, then make a change. If you think there’s something you really want to try out, then go for it. And if there’s someone that you really miss, give him/her a call. Don’t just sit there doing nothing and waste your life. Life is too short for you to waste it like that.

Last but not least, all I want to say is that most of us have the wrong assumption that being lucky is to be able to buy all your needs and wants. This is how our world has made us think. In the end, most of us chase after all these things in order to be the next lucky person that everyone around us envies or talks about. And most often than not, this ‘chase’ will never end because it’s just too impossible to end.

But don’t get me wrong, it CAN end…. not by being involved in the ‘chase’, but by being content and appreciate what we have. Once we do that, I’m sure most of us will realize that ….actually…we’re all very lucky because we can spend quality time with our loved ones. So what’s next then? Help spread this ‘good luck’ of yours to other people.

Hope it helps.

Let me give you an example. I think I’ve read this story from gapnap’s blog. I’ll modify it slightly since I can’t really recall the exact storyline.

Once upon a time, there were 2 good friends living together in a small village – let’s call them E and F. E was a very smart and cunning person but he was a bit lazy. So for most part of his life, he needed F’s help to do everything ranging from work to studies. F on the other hand, was a true friend. He was honest and most importantly, he loved to help his friends in need especially E who also happened to be his childhood friend.

After graduating from their university, F went on to become a well-respected doctor. E, being his ambitious self, started a pharmacy on his own. But he did not have enough money and clients, so he requested F to help him. F helped, without much hesitation. Few months later, E decided to grow his business and opened another pharmacy….and he went to F for help again. This process repeated itself, all the while E has been draining F’s energy.

Then something happened, F was involved in a legal case filed by a former patient. He was innocent, but the legal case did ruin his reputation and caused him a lot of money. He was depressed. And at that time, E did not offer help but instead, he asked for help from F again for his 3rd pharmacy. F was beginning to feel tired and told E that he did not have enough money and energy to help anymore. E was furious and yelled back at F “but you are my best friend!! We’ve known each other for so long, and we’re real brothers! How could you abandon me like this?” And E stormed off. Since then, E has never contacted F. F was disappointed by E but could not do anything as he himself was too tired to do anything.

Sorry for the lengthy story. I believe that most of you have heard something like this before, where one friend tried to squeeze everything from the other friend without even contributing anything. And not just in terms of friendship, there are plenty of good examples where customers tried to squeeze everything from the suppliers or bosses trying to demand 200% commitment from their employees while only delivering 50% of their promises. Things like this do happen and most often than not, they don’t end up well.

So to stop things from ending badly, it’s best if people can start to contribute more to any relationship they’re in. Fulfill more promises, catch up with more friends, have lunch appointments with subordinates, etc. Try to bridge any gap which has been formed in the past. Make the relationship a 2-sided one.

But also remember that if you’ve done your best to bridge the gap, and still there’s no similar response from the other party, then it’s time to cut it loose. This particular relationship is going to be too expensive for you to maintain in the long run, just like any 1-sided relationship. So just cut it off and focus on others.