Chinese New Year is the time when family members get together to have reunion dinners, gatherings, catching-up sessions, etc. But for some people, it is also the time for them to show what they have to their relatives, and if possible, make everyone else feel bad.

It happens all the time, irregardless of where you’re in (though the possibility is higher if you’re living in big cities). People will just come to your house and say things like “wow, your house is sooooo small” or “are you still driving that old junk?” or “my son got the first place in his entire school, what about your son?”. The list goes on and on.

No matter what they say, the objective is the same – to make you feel bad and to make them feel superior.

I know it’s frustrating to encounter such relatives especially when Chinese New Year is supposed to be a cheerful and happy occasion. The last thing we want is for someone to belittle us and make us feel inferior.

But hey, remember, we do have choices. We can ….

• screw the person back and make the atmosphere hostile.
• give a forced reply just to feed the person’s ego so that he/she can shut up.
• ignore the person completely.
• or, tell the person nicely that you are content with what you have.

For me, I prefer the last 2 choices. If they want to boast, or show off, let them be. By behaving this way, it shows they are insecure and they need something/someone to assure them that they are indeed doing a better job than others. Insecure people are mostly (if not all) unhappy. They can boast about the Ferrari or the 1 billion cash, but deep inside them, it’s empty and they don’t like it.

Also, if they want to compare, there’s always someone better than them. So what if you have 1 Ferrari? Some people have more than that. So what if you get the first place in your school? Someone else got the first place in the whole country! Yes, comparing with each other will never end. If you think you are good, and you want to step someone down so that you can feel superior…..always remember that there are always others who are BETTER than you.

At the end of the day, why do you even bother to show off or boast since you’re not really that great? On the other hand, someone who realizes that such comparison is meaningless, is also someone who is content with what he/she has. By being content, there’s no such need to compare and by being content, this someone is truly happy.

So the question one should ask is not whether he/she is better than others…. but whether is there really a need to compare with others?

p/s…. Oh, and if someone comes to me and tries to boast, I’ll seriously say “Good for you”, smile and walk away.

Have you ever worked with someone who leads with fear? When I mean lead with fear, it does not mean that the leader is constantly afraid of anything. It’s more like he is using the authority to lead the people under him, by constantly scolding them and threatening them – pretty much like a master and a slave. Some people call this the “military style leadership”.

But is this the right way to lead your people?

In my humble opinion, NO.

I rather lead with respect, and not fear. If your people are constantly afraid of losing their jobs (or afraid of being scolded in front of everyone in the office), they will STILL be able to work hard but the atmosphere is different if compared with people who are working for you because they love to work for you.

Totally different working environments and the end results will be totally different too. Let’s try to summarize the 2 types of leadership.

Lead with respect

• People willingly work for you
• The environment will be friendlier
• The people will be motivated and work with good morale
• Turnover rate will be lower since a good and respected leader can really keep his people

Lead with fear

• People will only work with you because they have no other choice
• The environment is quite hostile and negative since everyone is afraid to lose their jobs (or get scolded publicly)
• People will be moody and pretty much demotivated, even though they will still do the work
• Turnover rate is very very high since everyone will try their best to get out from there

From what you can see, most of the things associated with the latter are bad things and yet, there are many leaders out there who prefer to use this way. Perhaps it’s due to the way they’ve been brought up in the corporate world, or perhaps it’s due to their ego. But either way, it’s bad for the employees and also the organization itself (having high turnover rate is not a very good thing to have in any organization).

For me, the keyword here is “respect”. Respect other people and others will respect you. If you cannot even understand that simple word, then I doubt you have the rights to lead.

p/s……. and in an extremely stressful environment, the last thing you want to do is to force people to do things they don’t want. Everyone has their limits and as a leader, you need to know that.

I was listening to the radio the other morning and there was this funny news about Brad Pitt calling up a store to order something for his wife. The conversation sounds something like this.

Storekeeper : Morning, this is XXX store, how may I help you?

Brad : Hi, this is Brad Pitt. I need…

Storekeeper : Yeah right, you’re Brad Pitt *hungs up*.

In the end, Brad Pitt was forced to call up his personal assistant to handle the gift purchasing thing.

That is when I started asking my question this question “Are the rich and famous really as arrogant as most people think they are, or the society actually made them so without any proof?” I think this is kinda like the chicken-or-egg question which means there is no definite right or wrong answer.

Funny look from the famous president

Some of the rich and famous ARE arrogant (not humble) by nature. They tend to look down on those who are not as famous or not as rich as themselves. Who are you talk to me when I am driving a Ferrari but you’re driving a SLK (small little kancil)? Or even if they don’t say it that way, they will look at you that way. Because to some of them, comparison is the way of life and if you are superior than them, they will treat you as their close friends or maybe even worship you like a god. But if you’re more inferior than them, they will either ignore you or treat you like an alien. This group is the extreme version of the arrogant rich and famous people.

But there is also another group which is …well…innocently regarded as arrogant even though they’re not. Why? Because even some of the normal folks, people like us, treat comparison as part of our life. We might see these individuals as far more superior than us, and thus do not dare to approach them. We “isolate” them. But does that mean they are not approachable? Does that mean they are arrogant and treat us like lowly citizens? Nope. It is us who are isolating them and labeling them arrogant. Not the other way round.

That’s why the next time you want to say someone rich and famous is arrogant, think about it. Have you ever considered approaching the person? Is it really true that he or she is not approachable? Is he or she really arrogant? Or is it just something someone else has told you before and you didn’t bother to find out how valid is that statement? Maybe you should approach and find out by yourselves first because at the end of the day, some of the so-called “arrogant” people are actually nice people who have been made “arrogant” by the society.

Lesson of the day – don’t discriminate people (or putting a big label “ARROGANT” on his forehead) if you don’t know them well enough.

I was in MPH 1Utama yesterday for a gathering with the panel judges of Junior Manga Challenge. Of course, we didn’t plan to have the “gathering” there, it was the place for us to meet up and go somewhere else.

As I was busy talking to my script writer friend about the chapter 1 draft of a story I’m currently writing (kinda long sentence -.-), I noticed that there was this 40ish guy coming closer and closer to us. Well, I’m not a paranoid person so I didn’t go shouting around that I’ve been followed. And well, it’s a bookstore anyway. =_=

So we continued our discussion outside the bookstore and this 40ish guy approached us.

“Sorry to disturb, but I overheard your conversation just now regarding writing and story telling, are you guys authors or publishers?”

My friend said “I’m a scriptwriter”

And he started to talk with eyes glowing with HOPE. I won’t tell the details of the conversation here, but it’s obvious that he’s desperate. He’s an author who couldn’t find a publisher to publish his books. He thought we know some publishers or maybe we’re from the same industry, and we can “help” him out. To be honest, if I’m really in that industry, I wouldn’t mind helping him to review his book. But I’m not. Neither is my friend – she’s a part-timer.

My friend started telling him that maybe he can approach the local editors or publishers. He disagreed and said they are nonsense, only write bullshit stuff and nothing good. The editors did not do their good job even after he paid them so much…bla bla bla. Conclusion – he’s good, and the rest of the world is not good enough for him.

And he wants to publish in UK and US, not Malaysia.

I didn’t argue with him since he got very excited and wasn’t in a state to accept other people’s opinions. So I just kept my mouth shut. To be honest, one should not think too highly of oneself. It’s good to be confident about your talents…….. but nobody can learn how to fly without learning how to walk first.

It’s not WRONG to defend his opinions, but it’s not RIGHT to be that egoistic especially when you’re desperate. I believe if he can just lower his expectations, seek those local publishers n editors out…have good relationship with them, and sooner or later, he will pull it off if he is really that good. Rather than thinking to earn millions, maybe he should earn hundreds first…and build up his “portfolio”.

And most importantly, stay humble and be open to other people’s suggestions and advice.

Oh and by the way, he later turned to me and asked me whether I’m a writer. I said “Oh, no, I’m in the IT industry. A consultant AND a programmer. Writing is just my hobby.”

He replied “Sure? Have you written anything before? Maybe you can send to me and I can help you review!”

I calmly replied “Oh, thanks but you know, projects coming in and out, kinda hectic schedule. I have ideas, but yet to start writing.”

And he just replied “Oh….”

And my friend next to me started to regret her decision to introduce herself as a scriptwriter. Hohohoh.