This is a true story told by a friend of mine. It happened to one of his ex-colleagues. Let’s call this ex-colleague Debra .

Debra’s father passed away few months ago. During that time, she was all by herself. Her mum passed away few years ago, and the entire family consists of her father, her elder brother and herself. Unfortunately, the elder brother had an argument with the father and left the house. He went to chase after his dream and became a chef in a famous restaurant.

When her father passed away, she has nobody to turn to but her elder brother. Unfortunately…he could not be reached. She asked for help from her friends, my ex-colleague included and they tried to track him down. He changed a lot of jobs and to their surprise…he’s currently in Middle East…and could not be reached. So Debra was all by herself…and few of her friends who are trying to help out.

I’m sure some of you might have heard stories like this before….stories where people, due to a misunderstanding or miscommunication, or due to their own ambitions (like chasing after money, materials, etc)….. often neglect the people who are precious to them. Some even missed out on the chance to say goodbye to their loved ones…..and could only live in regret.

To be honest, this is not the first story I’ve heard. There was this lady who called to a radio station many many years ago…crying…and said that she could not bid one last farewell to her father who passed away while she was working and earning money in Europe (she wanted to earn more to give her father a better life in Malaysia). But in the end, all those money didn’t really matter because her father was no longer around.

Sad stories, yeah. But they all serve an important lesson to all of us – cherish our loved ones while they are still around. Be there for them when they need you. Any material and any amount of money does not matter as much as the welfare of your loved ones. And most importantly, make sure the decisions you make will not create a life full of regrets for you later on.

And to Debra (not her real name, and she doesn’t know me), I hope you’ll be strong. You still have plenty of good friends around.

As for Debra’s brother….it’s good to chase after his dream and ambition….but how would he feel, when the news of his father’s passing finally reached him…maybe 6 months later?

There are many things which only happen once during our lifetime – our kid’s graduation ceremony, our son’s appearance in the national debate competition, the birth of our daughter’s son, or…..maybe, our best friend’s wedding. All these things don’t happen all the time. They only happen once in a lifetime. If you’ve missed it, it will be gone forever. Simple as that.

And yet, many of us tend to regard these once-in-a-lifetime occasions as nothing important.

So we continue to focus on the things that we think are more important to us – work, money and fame. We throw ourselves into the endless rat race….and continue to struggle for years…..and years…… and years…..

By the time we realized it, we might have missed out a lot on those life’s important events. And nothing is going to bring them back for you. No amount of money can possibly recreate your son’s high school graduation. No amount of social status can recreate the feeling of joy when your daughter’s first child was born. And….well, you get the point.

So people, the next time your spouse, parents, children, relatives or close friends try to invite you to an event……think about it. And I do mean it. Think about the importance of the event. If you plan to skip it for something else, then what is this “something else” all about? Is it really that important? Or do you think you can put it on hold for a while and go attend that event (which could be those once-in-a-lifetime event).

Think about your priorities. Make a decision. And make sure you don’t regret your decision later on.

We love to indulge in things that we can feel/taste/see/enjoy now than things that may happen in the future. For most of us, we believe in theories such as “enjoy now, worry later” and “tomorrow may never come”. So why bother to work so hard to resist the temptations, right? Might as well enjoy now!

Hmm it depends. For me, enjoying now does not mean neglecting the future. You can live our life to the fullest and plan for your future at the same time. Nobody says this is impossible. But if your “enjoyment” somehow will bring you short term pleasure, but long term pain, perhaps it’s time to change. Because not only will you harm yourself in the long run, you might bring additional pain for your loved ones as well.

One example that I can give you is smoking. Nearly all the smokers know that smoking is bad for themselves, and it is bad for people around them including their loved ones. So seeing a father carrying his baby girl in one hand, and holding his cigarette in another hand, just does not seem right for me. Is his short-term pleasure so important that he can neglect the health and well-being of his baby girl? What about the father who refuses to stop smoking and only to die due to lung cancer, leaving his 4 young children and his wife to fend for themselves? His short term pleasure, their long term pain.

So, don’t give me shit like “it’s hard to resist the temptations”. I’ve heard that countless times before. For me, it’s just a lame excuse. If those people who have been drug addicts can give up on drugs, why can’t you? And if those people suffering from famine in South Africa do not want to give up on their life yet, how could you give up yours so early? So stop thinking so selfishly. It’s not just YOU we’re talking about here, your loved ones are involved as well.

Last but not least, all I want to say is that nothing is impossible in this world. Our willpower has proven to be 1 of the most powerful things in this whole wide world. So don’t say you can’t resist the temptation or you can’t quit. Because you DO have the power to resist and to quit. Just use your willpower. Think of your loved ones and the consequences in years to come if you don’t resist the temptation now. Start saying NO to short term pleasure and NO to long term pain.

To close things off, here are some articles which can help you to resist temptations and start a new and healthier habit.

The Habit Change Cheatsheet.

Resisting Temptation.

10 Tips for Quitting Smoking.

Since today is the last day of the year 2009, I’ll take this opportunity to reflect on my 2009 – the best and the worst. 2009 has been quite an uneventful year for me, if compared to 2008 where a lot of things happened. But well, 2009 is not too good a year for me too. Better than 2008 though.

The worst

• I received a pay cut towards the end of March. It was a reduction of working days, from 5 to 3. So it was around 30-40% pay cut. A huge amount, and I was very disappointed because I really loved working in that company. But life goes on and I’ve managed to find another job within 1 month.
• I joined a large company after that but it’s not what I expected it to be. Different job scope and it’s really quite a stressful job. But still, at least I should be glad that I do have a job. I should count myself more fortunate than a lot of people out there.
• My skin allergy is getting worse. Yes, I have ringworm problem (it’s not a worm, but more like a fungal infection which is quite common in tropical countries like Malaysia). It got better in 2008 but in 2nd half of 2009, it got worse. Some people stayed away from me because they think it’s contagious. Well, it is, if your skin is exposed to it for long period of time. But still, some people do get scared. Hopefully it’ll go away in 2010.

The best

• When I got my pay cut, I sent a lot of messages (MSN, Yahoo, emails, SMSes) out to my friends, asking them to help me get a job. And I can say I am very very blessed to have so many good friends by my side. Most of them have helped me (in one way or another) during that difficult period. Kudos to all of them and a sincere “Thank you” from me. Thanks for all the help, all the support and thanks for being there.
• In 2009, I finally brought my family to China. We went to Shanghai. It was quite a tiring trip for me, but I’m very happy because it’s one of my dad’s lifelong dreams to travel to Shanghai. I plan to bring my family to another place in China in 2010.
• I continued to pursue my passions in writing stories, drawing, gaming and technology. Looking forward to complete a light novel/graphic novel in 2010.
• I finally started a webcomic called Cubic Nation. It’s quite plain and not popular. I’ve received a lot of good and bad feedback. Some people called it a Dilbert clone, but well, it’s just something I love to do and those ideas were not from Dilbert. In 2010, I will try to update the comic on weekly basis, and also change the appearance a little.
• After thinking about getting a MacBook Pro and an iPod Touch for more than 6 months, I finally bought these 2 items for myself. I love them and I do feel they’ve helped me to increase my productivity. I’m currently playing around with the iPhone SDK. Hopefully I’ll be able to publish my first iPhone application/game in iTunes in the year 2010.
• In 2008, my total investment took a plunge of > 40%. Yeah, that was A LOT of money. But in 2009, I’ve more or less recovered what I’ve lost in 2008. So it’s a good thing and looking forward to continue this in 2010.
• I’m not someone who loves to travel around but I do know that I’m very lucky to actually get the opportunity to do so. I’ve learned a lot (and tasted a lot of good food) by traveling to different places this year – Kuching, Bangkok, Sydney, Shanghai, Suzhou, Xi Tang and Hangzhou.

So what’s for 2010 then? Well, it’s going to be a big big year for me. But to summarize, here are some of the things that I plan to do in 2010:

• Continue to pursue my passions in drawing, writing, gaming and technology. So expect me to continue writing in this blog, drawing in my webcomic, playing my PS3 and coming out with some applications.
• Improve things in terms of career and finance.
• Go for more family vacations.
• Stay healthy.
• Contribute more – blood donations, blogging, etc.

Simple as that.

What about you? Has 2009 been a good year for you? And what do you intend to achieve in 2010?

Not many people love to work in a family business especially when you are not part of the family. The reason is simple – the best positions and opportunities are normally reserved for those in the family. Outsiders? You’re just there to assist them.

Well, that is at least what most people think. Fact is, this kind of favouritism can happen anywhere, not just in a family business. If you happen to work for a boss who favours few individuals over the rest, the same thing will happen. The good opportunities will all be left to those few individuals. As for the rest, consider yourselves lucky if you are able to get a decent increment. And yes, this kind of scenario happens in a lot of companies. So what makes you think this is different from your fear of working in a family business? Not much difference as far as I can see.

And on the other hand, a family business under the management of the right people will always pick the best person for the job even if the person is not one of his relatives. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think Genting is doing a very good job at this. Genting directors are some of the highest paid people in Malaysia and don’t tell me all of them belong to the Lim family.

Okay, I know some of you would say “what about those small family business where the CEO is the husband and the COO is the wife?” Normally, that kind of company has a big “Join us and die” sign board at their entrance. Just kidding. It can be very bad but also, it depends on how mature and how professional they are. I believe there shouldn’t be any problem if the CEO and the COO know what is personal and what is work. If they can’t, then you better stay away. Don’t end up like my friend who was forced to resign because he did not know which instruction to follow – CEO (husband) or COO (wife).

Anyway, I think at the end of the day, the most important factor here is who are the top people and how do they run the company. Favouritism style? Or best-man-for-the-job style? And also, is there a long term future working for them. Are they professional enough to know what is best for the company. If majority of the above questions are ‘NO’, then time to move on.