Most of us love to be in the driving seat, including the indecisive people. We love to be able to predict what is going to happen. And whenever we have a chance, we will try to make things go our way. This behavior of ours has directly (or indirectly) instilled a bad habit in us – the habit of asserting control on the life of others.

Parents love to control their children and dictate what are the things they watch, play, read and do. Teachers love to control their students by making sure the students are doing the right homework, in the right format, using the right colors and the right books. Managers love to control their teams, so they start to make sure the team members are using the correct tools, the right technologies, the right processes and some of them also make sure the team members work a full 8 hours a day (punch cards! man, i hate those stuff).

And when things start to go beyond our control…we tend to freak out and panic.

But there’s one thing that all of us need to realize. Things like this (getting out of control) do happen and the fact is, we just cannot control others as much as we were hoping we could. When we control, we want others to change to the way we think it’s the best for them….and for us. But trying to change someone is just like trying to row a boat against the current. The more you try to force through, the more difficult it will become (that’s why some kids are very rebellious).

So the best thing to do is either to accept people for who they are, or take 1 step at a time. Small changes are easier to make than the big ones. Make the change an incremental one. And if possible, lead by example. Walk the talk.

And one last thing, which is the most important, just learn to accept the fact that you just cannot fully control others. You cannot, and you should not.

p/s….. most often than not, creativity is related to chaos because both come from having freedom. This shows the importance of giving up control on others from time to time, and giving them the freedom they need. What we need to do then, is to make sure the energy is channeled to the right place

People are afraid of changes. Which also means that people are afraid of making any decision which could potentially lead to changes. And this fear is what makes most people remain in the same position for years, without any progress. But sometimes, when we really think about it, we’re not afraid of changes. We’re afraid of the uncomfortable and unknown situation which might be the result of the changes.

Decision –> Changes –> Uncertainties

Ultimately, what we’re really really afraid of is uncertainty. Most of us would prefer a predictable route to travel on. Nobody would want to use a unpredictable route which could lead to a “dead end”. But seriously, is encountering a “dead end” really that bad and really that hopeless? Unless you’re telling me there’s a train charging at you and you got nowhere else to run, then maybe it’s bad.  But other than that, I don’t see how encountering a “dead end” can be hopeless. For me, as long as it’s not a life/death situation, chances are, it’s not that bad and you WILL find a solution to it. What you can do then, is whenever you’re facing a difficult decision due to your fear of the uncertainties, start spending a few minutes thinking about the worst possible outcome. Then find a solution to that outcome.

For example, are you afraid to take up a new job opportunity because you’re not sure if the company is a good one or if the job suits you? What’s the worst possible outcome? Maybe you will regret and quit your job. Well, you will just have to find another job. If you have other commitments, then prepare an emergency fund before you quit your job. Or perhaps, you’re afraid of approaching that dream girl of yours because you’re shy. Well, what’s the worst possible outcome? For her to ignore you? If that’s the case, you will realize she’s not so friendly and perhaps it’s better for you to focus your time on someone else.

In the end, you will notice that there’s really nothing to be afraid of. Uncertainties are more like myths to scare people off. If you can think of the worst possible outcome and find a solution to it, then what else do you need to be afraid of? And when you know there’s nothing to be afraid of, what are you waiting for? Just go and do it. You only pass by this life once.

p/s….. but i’m not telling you to do something which will hurt others. always think whether your decision will hurt others (besides yourself).

“My job sux”. “My boss does not appreciate me”. “My colleagues are irresponsible”. “I just cannot mix well with my colleagues”. “I can’t communicate with my in-laws”. “My car is so problematic!”….or the ultimate “I hate my life”.

We hear these all the time from people. The funny thing is, these people would complain and do nothing about it. They’ll still be in the same situation a year later! It’s either they are too lazy to find a solution to their problem, or they don’t really mind about the problem at all. But then again, if they don’t really mind, why are they complaining in the first place? To release stress and frustration? Or to “let it out”, as one of my friends love to call it. Doesn’t look very healthy to me.

But seriously, do you think it’s worth it to spend so much energy into doing something destructive like complaining? If you are doing it once, then it’s fine. But most people do it over and over again! Well, my advice is pretty simple, if you are unhappy with what you are facing now, then it’s time to ask yourselves some simple questions.

• What is it that you are complaining? Your boss? Colleagues? Job? Family? Lack of money? Identify the source of the complaint.
• How long are you doing this already? Do you complain about everything? Or is there one particular thing which you always complain? And how often do you do it? Identify whether the issue is caused by something/someone, or the issue is with you and the way you look at things.
• Do you think this is healthy for your overall well-being? If yes, why do you think so? If no, how are you going to overcome it and stop all the negative energy infesting in your brain? Ask yourself if you are fine with how things are going now and you prefer to do nothing. Or perhaps you DO want to do something.
• If you want to overcome it, how do you think you can find a solution? Cut down on your expenses? Talk to your colleagues/boss? Change job? Think about multiple ways to solve your problem one at a time. Think simple and avoid complicating things.
• Or maybe you do want to change things but there are other factors which are forcing you not to make the changes? Identify those factors and also their impact on your life. Do it as soon as possible. If the factors are so important that you prefer not to change things, then try not to complain too much. The negative energy will not help you at all. And if you are determined to change things, stop complaining too. Focus your energy on how to solve the issues instead.

Life is short and I think it’s better to spend our life doing what we really want to do, and be happy. True, we have our commitments and responsibilities, so making a change can be quite difficult at times. But I always believe that we control our own fate and we build our own happiness. If we always sit around and do nothing to fix the things we don’t like (things we always complain about), those things will always be there to haunt us and make us miserable.

Complaining does not fix things. Action does.

p/s….. but if you are the type who complains about everything from the land to the sky, then you need to change. The problem most probably lies within you and how you see the world.

p/s….. i notice that this post is quite similar to some of my previous posts. guess i’m running out of topics to talk

Have you ever wondered how fast a person can change within 10 seconds? A husband who was whispering sweet words to his wife few minutes ago suddenly turned on a rampage and started to find faults in everything she did, or a manager who was praising a subordinate for his good work an hour ago, suddenly changed and penalized him for not doing “enough”. Things like this do happen and whenever we see them, most of the time, we’ll just say “Oh no, he snapped” or “He’s not himself”.

But that’s not the main point. The main point is what happens BEFORE and AFTER the “turnaround” part. There could be some reasons that cause the person to change so drastically. For the manager’s case, it could be a scolding from the upper management which caused him to vent his anger on the subordinate. And for the husband, it could be something the wife said which he hated so much, that he poured out all those bad experiences he had accumulated over the years at once. No matter what are the causes, one question that the husband and the manager should ask is – are those causes so serious that they don’t care about the consequences?

Because after the ‘turnaround’, the consequences can be pretty bad for everyone. For the husband, it might end up in a divorce and for the manager, he could lose a very good subordinate.

So at the end of the day, is it really worth it to make such a ‘turnaround’ and pour out all your anger within that few seconds, only to regret it for many years after that? Most people never think about that. And I know it’s very difficult to think about it when you are on the edge of your sanity and you just want someone to take the ‘anger’ away for you. But for me, the consequences could be too big for me to bear. I wouldn’t want to hurt the people I care and treasure just because of my “10 seconds turnaround”.

Why regret over something that you can actually avoid?

Remember, it’s definitely easy to have the “10 seconds turnaround” and feel slightly better. But looking at how bad the consequences might be, I think I would prefer to feel worse for that short period of time, than to suffer the aftermath of my “10 seconds turnaround”.

p/s…. I call it 10 seconds and not 1 or 5 seconds because I figure if anyone can snap within 5 seconds….that person must be having some very serious emotional issues, which is in a different context altogether.

One of the biggest taboos while working for people is to talk bad about your boss about your salary publicly especially when your colleagues are around. However, there will be times when something as confidential as salary, is being broadcast or informed to the wrong parties. The result? Dissatisfaction among employees.

Let’s be honest, most people are not content with what they have and that includes their salary. And most people also think that they are the one working harder than most of the people in the team. So when the news of a peer/colleague receiving a promotion or a higher salary than themselves, all sorts of negative feelings will appear.

“Why is that idiot getting higher salary than me when all he does is talk talk talk?”

“Why is the new guy getting the promotion ahead of old employees like us?”

“Why is he getting a higher increment when our job role is the same?”

Questions like these will keep popping up in the head all the time. It’s normal. After all, we’ve put in so much hard work for the company and it seems like we’re not being appreciated (funnily, some people who always spend their office hours chatting and Facebook-ing also think they’re not being appreciated enough). I’ve been through that before on a couple of occasions and man, I was pretty pissed back then.

But things have changed, and I believe I’ve changed.

Over the years, I’ve given much thought on this issue and I can tell you it’s a very common issue which exists in every organization. But rather than making my life miserable by asking myself questions which I could not answer, I prefer to ask myself a few questions and also try my best to answer them HONESTLY (without any discrimination and with extreme fairness + calmness). It wouldn’t help if you answer these questions when you’re jealous of some people.

• Is the guy really better than me? Or perhaps my performance is actually not-so-good?
• Is there anything I can do to match him or even better than him?
• How much time do I have left until the next performance evaluation? I need to use those time to improve myself.
• Is there a need to talk to my supervisor regarding this? Maybe my supervisor is not happy with something I did which I’m not aware of? Remember, this is to have an honest heart-to-heart talk with your supervisor and not a confrontation.
• Maybe your supervisor has some ideas on how you can perform better in the future?
• Perhaps there are something which this guy has to do, without your knowledge? Maybe he really did go that extra mile?
• Will you be happy after the promotion or the increment? Will you be happy with your new job role or you rather stay where you are now? After all, money is not everything.
• How much is this affecting your mood and overall well-being? Do you think you’re wasting too much time thinking about something you have no answer of?
• And most importantly, do you think there is something that you can really do to change the situation?

Among those questions above, I find the last 2 to be the most important question. If there is really nothing you can do to change the situation, then why do you even bother to think about it? If there IS indeed something that you can do, then do it and change the situation. Get out from that emotional hell you’ve put yourselves into.

For me, even though I know there are people who earn more than me, I don’t really think much about it. Perhaps they are indeed better than me in certain aspects of things. All I can do is to commit myself to do my work, and to get the expected reward from my company. The important thing is that the company or my supervisor should appreciate what I do, and I myself must like what I do.

Whether the company appreciate that guy’s work more than mine, is not really something I can control.

And when I think there’s really no other option for me…..then I might just go find another job and find someone who I think will really appreciate me.

Remember, it’s not worth torturing yourselves by feeling lousy or bad especially on things that you have no answer to. If it’s within your control, then change it. If not, then just ignore it.

DISCLAIMER — i don’t Facebook that much in office. Nothing much in there except other people’s photos. =_=