There are many things which only happen once during our lifetime – our kid’s graduation ceremony, our son’s appearance in the national debate competition, the birth of our daughter’s son, or…..maybe, our best friend’s wedding. All these things don’t happen all the time. They only happen once in a lifetime. If you’ve missed it, it will be gone forever. Simple as that.

And yet, many of us tend to regard these once-in-a-lifetime occasions as nothing important.

So we continue to focus on the things that we think are more important to us – work, money and fame. We throw ourselves into the endless rat race….and continue to struggle for years…..and years…… and years…..

By the time we realized it, we might have missed out a lot on those life’s important events. And nothing is going to bring them back for you. No amount of money can possibly recreate your son’s high school graduation. No amount of social status can recreate the feeling of joy when your daughter’s first child was born. And….well, you get the point.

So people, the next time your spouse, parents, children, relatives or close friends try to invite you to an event……think about it. And I do mean it. Think about the importance of the event. If you plan to skip it for something else, then what is this “something else” all about? Is it really that important? Or do you think you can put it on hold for a while and go attend that event (which could be those once-in-a-lifetime event).

Think about your priorities. Make a decision. And make sure you don’t regret your decision later on.

A friend of mine told me about this story where a young manager came into the office on the manager’s first day and started to threaten every employee in the office. This manager told everyone to work hard or get lost.

Of course all the employees in the office were afraid of him but most of them were not happy as well. People started to leave but  few of them had no choice but to continue to work. Then one day, 2 employees made a mistake which caused the manager to terminate them on the spot. It was a small mistake. And this action of his created an uproar among the existing employees.

Soon, the director became aware of this incident and came to investigate. He had a 1 to 1 chat with the manager.

Director: Why did you terminate the 2 employees over such a small mistake?

Manager: I’ve warned them that I would terminate anyone who is not performing or is making the company lose money.

Director: Everyone makes mistakes and this is but a small mistake. Also, do you think you have actually found the solution by terminating them?

Manager: ……..

Director: So in the end, the underlying problem has not been fixed. All you did was to react unproductively to a problem. Now, we’ve lost 2 people, and the problem is still there.

Yes, it’s easy for people to just sit down, complain or even punish those responsible. But everybody makes mistakes. Nobody is perfect in this world. So rather than punishing, complaining and whining…..why not focus on the problem and how can one come out with a solution to fix it?

Nothing is more important than to find a solution to a problem. So, be aware of what you are focusing on when you’re faced with a problem.

p/s….. over the years, many people have been terminated by hot shot directors/managers who love to flex their management muscles (abusing their authority). This is the harsh reality of the corporate world. Yet, most of them only know how to show off their authority and not solve the underlying problems. Because for them, their ego can only carry them that far.

Most people seek perfections in life. That’s why MOST people are never happy. They chase after the impossible. A lost dream before it has even begun. And when they can’t find it, they start to find faults in the imperfections that they encounter.

That’s why we have so many arguments, conflicts, misunderstandings, miscommunication, etc. And it can happen everywhere – in office where employees cannot perform up to the boss’ expectation, at home where a perfectionist parent punishes his son for getting 95/100 in the exam, or a wife who keeps complaining about her husband’s lame jokes and why he never bother to learn how to cook.

Yea, we complain, we nag AND we hope that one day these little imperfect things in life will just go away. We hope everything will turn out perfectly well. But sadly, there’s no such thing as perfect in this world. Nothing is perfect.

So why don’t we just wake up from this lost dream of ours and learn to appreciate things more? And yes, that includes all the little imperfect things in life. Observe these imperfect things and remember them because as with everything else in this world, they don’t last forever. And when they’re really gone, it might be too late for you to realize how much you actually miss them.

The last thing you want to do, is to actually miss something when it’s gone. So, start changing your perspective and who knows, maybe all these imperfect things you’re complaining about might not be that imperfect after all.

p/s….. Well, theoretically speaking, the definition of ‘perfect’ is actually up to the person to decide…so…yea, if you know how to lower your expectations, maybe you CAN achieve perfection.

p/s….. for the examples given above. Perhaps one day, when the boss left the company, he would remember the funny and tense moments when he scolded everyone in the team. For the perfectionist parent, he would recall how his son tried to use all the tricks to avoid studying. And for the wife, well, I’m sure she would miss the lame jokes when her husband are not around.

I recently talked to 2 friends who have pretty different perspectives on money. But both of them have one single worry – money is not enough.

1. One of them is my ex-colleagues. I dropped him a message in MSN (not sure if he’s reading this) and asked how is he doing. He told me life sux when one is not a millionaire. My immediate reply (yes, I didn’t even spend more than 10 seconds) was that he might still think life sux when he is a millionaire but not a billionaire. And he agreed. I can sense he’s under some financial pressures but well, is life really all about money? What happens to contentment? What happens to appreciating what you have?
2. Then few days later, the other friend of mine related to me about his baby daughter having fever. It was quite bad, around 39 degrees. And for someone that young, it was very dangerous. Fortunately she has recovered. My friend then decided to try and get a thermometer in case the daughter gets fever again in the future. However, he soon found out that the cheapest thermometer is around RM 140. My friend is a very thrifty person since he alone has to support his entire family. His wife is working but her salary is not enough to cover her own expenses. She spends a lot on dresses, bags and other branded goods. So in the end, both my friend and his wife decided not to buy the thermometer. Oh yea, my friend did not know how his wife spends her salary. =_=

Notice what is wrong with these 2 scenarios? I’m sure you can.

The first one lost track of what matters most in life and keeps chasing after money. It’s a typical thing that most of us would do, myself included. Let’s be honest, money is always important but if we allow the lack of money to ruin our life and label life as SUX, then it’s pretty obvious something has gone wrong. Our life should not be dictated by the amount of money we have. There are still plenty of things that cannot be bought by money. Why not learn to accept what we have, enjoy our life and also learn to appreciate things as they are? Why want to make ourselves suffer by keep thinking that life’s sux if we’re not millionaire? And most importantly….what’s next once you’ve achieved the status of millionaire? Billionaire? Then what’s after that?

The second one, on the other hand, lost track of what matters more to him – his daughter. Is his daughter’s well-being less important than RM 140? It’s not wrong to be thrifty but there are things that should not be avoided. And what about his wife? Why is she willing to spend thousands on luxury goods but not RM 140 on the daughter? Will they be happy if their daughter gets seriously ill? What if something bad happens to the poor girl? Will they look back upon this stupid decision of theirs and regret?

Sometimes, it saddens me to see how money is changing the world. People have forgotten what matters most to them. Either that, or they have defined the wrong meaning of ‘happiness’. Yes, we can’t survive without money but no, money is not everything in this world.

I recently finished Mitch Albom’s Have a Little Faith. It’s a very good book and in one of the pages, they talked about how a baby gets born to this world with a clenched fist. Because it is human nature to try and grab everything we can. But when we leave this world, our hand will be pale and empty.

Because, at the end of the day, there’s nothing we can bring together with us except for 1 thing – the memories our loved ones have of us while we’re still here. And how long those memories last would depend on what we do while we’re here.

Most phones nowadays come with calendar, organizers, or other PDA functions which are meant to make you more productive and occupied. Productive? Not sure about that. But occupied? Definitely a YES.

The sad thing is, we’re becoming too occupied for our own good. We are so busy that we do not have the time to notice other people around us. We have lesser time for our family, our friends, and our neighbors. Gone were the days when we go visit our neighbors during weekends. Heck, sometimes it’s even difficult to have all the family members sit down and dine together. There will always be 1 or 2 missing family members who are too busy with their work.

And when we finally have a bit of time, we’ll either be too tired to go out or too busy trying to relax ourselves. So the most we can do is to send a short e-mail, or a simple SMS to whoever concerned. That’s it. No more snail mails (I still love snail mails actually though I don’t do it anymore). Lesser phone calls. And yeah, less frequent meet-ups as well.

So when people say technology brings everyone closer….in a way, it does. But it will only bring people “this” close….and nothing more. In fact, the warm feeling when you’ve received a snail mail from someone halfway across the globe….will never be there again. The warmness of people will start to fade with time, and the advancement of technology.

Also, if you do notice one thing, the number of hi-bye friends that we have tend to get more and more (people we don’t really notice, also known as passerby)… and the number of ‘true’ and close friends, becoming lesser and lesser. Depressing, isn’t it?

But it’s not hopeless yet. There is still something we can do – learn to appreciate and free up some of our time to BE THERE for people. It can be 5 minutes short call, 10 minutes of conversation, or 30 minutes of lunch appointment. Or just a couple of minutes of heart-to-heart chat. Be there and notice the people around you.

Remember, busy is not an excuse for not being there when someone needs you most.