Dare to dream !

Chinese New Year is the time when family members get together to have reunion dinners, gatherings, catching-up sessions, etc. But for some people, it is also the time for them to show what they have to their relatives, and if possible, make everyone else feel bad.

It happens all the time, irregardless of where you’re in (though the possibility is higher if you’re living in big cities). People will just come to your house and say things like “wow, your house is sooooo small” or “are you still driving that old junk?” or “my son got the first place in his entire school, what about your son?”. The list goes on and on.

No matter what they say, the objective is the same – to make you feel bad and to make them feel superior.

I know it’s frustrating to encounter such relatives especially when Chinese New Year is supposed to be a cheerful and happy occasion. The last thing we want is for someone to belittle us and make us feel inferior.

But hey, remember, we do have choices. We can ….

• screw the person back and make the atmosphere hostile.
• give a forced reply just to feed the person’s ego so that he/she can shut up.
• ignore the person completely.
• or, tell the person nicely that you are content with what you have.

For me, I prefer the last 2 choices. If they want to boast, or show off, let them be. By behaving this way, it shows they are insecure and they need something/someone to assure them that they are indeed doing a better job than others. Insecure people are mostly (if not all) unhappy. They can boast about the Ferrari or the 1 billion cash, but deep inside them, it’s empty and they don’t like it.

Also, if they want to compare, there’s always someone better than them. So what if you have 1 Ferrari? Some people have more than that. So what if you get the first place in your school? Someone else got the first place in the whole country! Yes, comparing with each other will never end. If you think you are good, and you want to step someone down so that you can feel superior…..always remember that there are always others who are BETTER than you.

At the end of the day, why do you even bother to show off or boast since you’re not really that great? On the other hand, someone who realizes that such comparison is meaningless, is also someone who is content with what he/she has. By being content, there’s no such need to compare and by being content, this someone is truly happy.

So the question one should ask is not whether he/she is better than others…. but whether is there really a need to compare with others?

p/s…. Oh, and if someone comes to me and tries to boast, I’ll seriously say “Good for you”, smile and walk away.

Chinese New Year is just around the corner. By now, everyone should have finished spring-cleaning their house (mm, some busy people might still be struggling with the spring cleaning). But aside from cleaning up the house, perhaps now is also a good time to look at your list of friends and do a spring cleaning too.

Here are some of the things that you want to think about when you’re cleaning up your list of friends:

Negative-minded people – people who are demotivated beyond repair. They see the bad side of everything. And they are pretty pessimistic. Anything hopeful will disappear when it reaches them. To make things worse, some of them are not willing to change to be more positive. Such friends, we can try to help but in the end, it is really up to them to change themselves. One thing we have to be careful is not to let their negative mindset influence us.

Complain king/queen – this is quite similar to the first type. These individuals will have nothing but complaints coming out from their mouth. They will complain about everything – from the sky, traffic to the people walking along the road. Avoid such people especially when you’re not in a positive and upbeat mood.

Abusive – some friends are pretty abusive and this is one of the worst around. You don’t deserve such treatment. Abusive people, be it friends, colleagues, spouse, or family members, should not be given priority in our life.

Opportunists - there’s nothing wrong with being an opportunist. But if you have a friend who only look for you when they need help, I don’t see any reason why you should keep them in your list. If you still want to keep them, then put them at the bottom of the list.

Backstabbers – another type of friends that you should avoid at all cost. But the truth is, it’s hard to tell who is the real backstabber. So be extremely careful when dealing with this. If you’re unsure, just follow your gut feel. Don’t listen to other people too much because you won’t know who is the real backstabber. But once you’ve confirmed who is behind all the mess, avoid them!

MIA (Missing in action) – the other type of friends is the type who will disappear for very very long time. People who don’t care to keep in touch with you for an extended period of time. Well, maybe they are busy with their personal life and work, but if this goes on for too long, it’s bad for the friendship. You can try to take the initiatives, but it won’t work out unless it’s from both sides. As people say, friendship is like a pot of plant. It’ll wither if you don’t water it regularly.

I know some of those listed above are not very damaging but most of them are. If you want to lead a positive life, then choose your friends and people you hang out with carefully. And for those which are not very damaging, put them down at the bottom of the priority list because …well, we only have limited time in a day. We can only focus on that many friends at one time. Better to focus on those who are worthy of our time.

If you have someone who falls into 1 or more of the categories above, and you rather not remove them from the list, then do spend some time reading one of my older post – “Have someone negative around you and want to kick him away?”

Hope it helps.

And happy Chinese New Year in advance

“Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we’re here we should dance.”

And that is exactly what life is all about. There are times when we’re being given some of the best things in the world and feel fortunate. But there are also times when we’re being thrown into some difficult situations which make us feel we’re useless. Yes, shits like this do happen (and sometimes they happen a lot too) but I believe that we have the power to make the best out of whatever situation we’re in.

For example, if you are complaining about your job now, there are actually few things that you can do. The obvious option is of course to look for another job. But if you can’t do that, then you have to make the most out of your current situation. Introduce new ideas, contribute more to the team, get to know more people from other teams, help another teammate with his/her task, etc. Make yourself a valuable member of the team, and a valuable employee for the company.

The thing with most people is that we complain too much whenever things are not the way we want them to be. We complain and complain, ….and complain. Yet, we do nothing to improve the overall situation. And no matter how much you try to deny it, the truth is that we CAN improve the situation. Here are few things you can consider doing:

• stop complaining
• think of the positive things in current situation
• think of how you can improve on the positive things
• make yourself valuable to your team and company
• think out of the box

Remember that you don’t have to just stick to the things listed in your job description. Feel free to explore out of the box. Most importantly, you have to understand your current situation. If you can’t move away from it, then change how you look at it.

As Mary Engelbreit once said “If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it — change the way you think about it.”