Fortunately, I’m still doing quite okay in terms of money management since I don’t do that thing people called “impulsive buying”. How to avoid ourselves from becoming a victim to this “impulsive buy” thing? Simple!

Postpone that particular purchase for 6 months.

Yeap, it’s that simple. Most of the time, we will feel we want to buy something…..we just feel there’s this strong urge to own that thing….. that cool, beautiful thing which will help us in many things in our daily life. Yeap, it’s going to be useful to us… or that’s what the marketers want us to believe. Seriously, try postponing that purchase for another 6 months. Once the 6 months period is over, start asking yourself whether you really need to buy the item or you can actually live without it.  If you still feel you want to buy it, then yes, go ahead. You most probably need it, or perhaps it’s something that you really love.

When you think about this carefully, the whole cycle is like a bubble effect. It starts off with everyone talking about something, and all the marketing people will keep telling you how good it is….then you build up the urge to own it…then once you own it, POOF!…the bubble burst and this IMPORTANT thing suddenly seems so boring. Then the next IN thing comes along, and the cycle repeats itself.

What you need to do is to stop that cycle now. Postpone your purchase to few months later. Once that few months period is over, think whether you really need it and decide accordingly. It works for me (very well), and I sure hope it works for you too.

But rather than focusing on such a big scale, I would say start small. Start by thinking how you can make the people around you feel better with just 5 minutes. Observe and notice the people around you who are in need of your help. Then think of what you can help them with. You can use that 5 minutes to be a good listener, a good companion, to cheer someone up, to help get something done, or to just talk to a lonely friend. Use that 5 minutes to make a difference in someone’s life.

It might not seem to be a lot with just 5 minutes but sometimes, one does not need to go to a great extent just to make a difference. Something simple and nice would do the trick. And most often than not, 5 minutes are all you need to make that happen. Big difference, and minimal impact on your time. Ideal, isn’t it?

Of course, if you have sufficient time, you can always extend it to 10 or 20 minutes. But bear in mind that, even with 5 minutes, you are already doing much better than a lot of people in this world who care less for the depressed souls around them. Remember that the key thing here is to show that you do care.

However, I know that a lot of people out there do not have the same kind of thinking. A lot of them think about earning more money, to pursue their own career and to start their own family. In other words, to start getting themselves stuck in our modern world rat race. Not many think about their aging parents. The nicer ones would say they will bring their parents over when they’ve settled down while the not-so-nice ones would just try to push the responsibility of looking after the parents to another siblings. “Oh, not to worry, my elder brother is staying in the hometown, he can look after them”.

But what if all the siblings are saying the same thing? What if all of them are trying to push this responsibility to another sibling? In the end, the parents might not have anyone to look after them. Perhaps this is why the number of senior citizens in our country’s old folks home has been increasing in an alarming rate in the past few years. But those are the slightly fortunate ones…what about those who are left homeless?

For some, they do not wish to abandon their parents. They just want to take few years off to go earn more money. True, money is everything nowadays and it’s a prerequisite in order for our family to lead a better life. But how many years do you intend to take? Remember that our parents do age with each passing year, and their health will deteriorate. If you want to do something like this, fine, but please don’t take too long. 5 to 10 years for a 30-year-old are not much…but 5 to 10 years for a 60-year-old, it means a lot. Bear in mind, they won’t be with us forever. Sad, but it’s a reality of life.

So at the end of the day, it is really up to us, to think about our own responsibilities to look after our parents….the same way our kids would think about their own responsibilities to look after us in years to come. And for me, I’ll just hope you guys will take up the initiatives to look after your parents…and not trying to push that responsibility to another person.

p/s…. if it’s been a while since you last call your parents…maybe now is the right time. Call them up, have a chat. Ask them how are they doing.

p/s…. i know there are some who have abusive parents. But people do change with time…maybe they’ve changed now? If that’s the case, perhaps it’s better to let bygones be bygones? If they’ve not changed…then just know that you’ve done your part trying to mend the broken relationship.

p/s…. when you’re staying with your parents, do make sure you give them some stuff to do. Most of them want to be useful in order to help us, and not as an obstacle.

It’s always other people or other things. It’s always THEM. It’s never US.

That’s one of the weaknesses suffered by many of us. We love ourselves so much that whenever we make a mistake, we push it to other people. It’s easier that way isn’t it? But really, how much does blaming other people for our mistake, help us? Nothing! Maybe we’ll be relieved that it’s not really US, but only for a short period of time. And that’s about it! Oh, we also don’t get to correct our own mistakes since …well…we don’t realize it’s really US. We can’t correct something that we’re not aware of. No?

So if you really want to improve yourself, you should stop putting blame on everyone and everything. Do some self reflections. Maybe some of the mistakes/problems/errors are really caused by YOU and not other people.

For example, if you have been retrenched, maybe it’s because you are not contributing enough. If you’ve fallen sick, perhaps it’s due to the excessive food you’re consuming. If you’re caught in the jam, perhaps it’s because you choose to oversleep for 30 minutes instead of waking up in time to avoid the jam. Yes, a lot of the issues and problems CAN be avoided if we take control.

But please don’t start doing all those self-damaging thing to yourself. That’s the last thing this article wants you to do. Take responsibility is the right term here. Not pushing the blame and responsibility to other people.

p/s…. but sometimes, there are things which are so dead obvious it’s not our mistake. Well, we can blame others but for a short period since blaming others won’t help us much anyway.

Here’s an example. At the age of 25, Kim started working as a chemical engineer (just an example, chemical engineer’s job might not be that unhealthy at all). The pay was very high but she realized that the job and the environment were very bad for her health. So she set a target – to quit by 30. By that time, she should have enough savings to start her own business, or to start fresh in another industry.

5 years later, Kim turned 30. She has been promoted to senior chemical engineer and was leading a team of 10 people. Her salary more than doubled compared to 5 years ago. Yet, she realized that she could not survive in this kind of hazardous environment for long. So she told herself, 3 more years, and she should have enough money to achieve financial freedom.

At 33, she encountered a harsh reality – she has too many commitments, her health was deteriorating, and she no longer has the energy and drive to start something new.

Kim was trapped by her own indecisiveness.

This story sounds all too familiar eh? It’s something which will most likely be faced by majority of the world’s population today.

We all know it’s very difficult for some people to take that first step especially when it involves in lesser income and especially when you have tonnes of commitments. However, nobody says that you need to quit everything in order to make the first step. Doing self-learning at home is also considered as a first step, albeit a small one.

But one thing to bear in mind is that, no matter what you do, you should always think for the future. So what if you’re getting paid a lot NOW, do you think you can last for another 5 years? What if your company decides to retrench you? Will you be able to survive with the skills you have now?

And most importantly, will what you do now help you move closer to your goals (be it financial freedom, another job, own business, etc)? If no, then why are you still doing it? Is it because you’re afraid to make that first step? What are the obstacles in front of you? Try to identify them and remove them one by one.

Remember that if you don’t remove the obstacles, you will never be able to start making that first step. And if you don’t take the first step, you will never reach your goals. By the time you know it, it could be too late already. We only live once.

It happens all the time, irregardless of where you’re in (though the possibility is higher if you’re living in big cities). People will just come to your house and say things like “wow, your house is sooooo small” or “are you still driving that old junk?” or “my son got the first place in his entire school, what about your son?”. The list goes on and on.

No matter what they say, the objective is the same – to make you feel bad and to make them feel superior.

I know it’s frustrating to encounter such relatives especially when Chinese New Year is supposed to be a cheerful and happy occasion. The last thing we want is for someone to belittle us and make us feel inferior.

But hey, remember, we do have choices. We can ….

• screw the person back and make the atmosphere hostile.
• give a forced reply just to feed the person’s ego so that he/she can shut up.
• ignore the person completely.
• or, tell the person nicely that you are content with what you have.

For me, I prefer the last 2 choices. If they want to boast, or show off, let them be. By behaving this way, it shows they are insecure and they need something/someone to assure them that they are indeed doing a better job than others. Insecure people are mostly (if not all) unhappy. They can boast about the Ferrari or the 1 billion cash, but deep inside them, it’s empty and they don’t like it.

Also, if they want to compare, there’s always someone better than them. So what if you have 1 Ferrari? Some people have more than that. So what if you get the first place in your school? Someone else got the first place in the whole country! Yes, comparing with each other will never end. If you think you are good, and you want to step someone down so that you can feel superior…..always remember that there are always others who are BETTER than you.

At the end of the day, why do you even bother to show off or boast since you’re not really that great? On the other hand, someone who realizes that such comparison is meaningless, is also someone who is content with what he/she has. By being content, there’s no such need to compare and by being content, this someone is truly happy.

So the question one should ask is not whether he/she is better than others…. but whether is there really a need to compare with others?

p/s…. Oh, and if someone comes to me and tries to boast, I’ll seriously say “Good for you”, smile and walk away.

Then one of them said “Working under Alvin must be very stressful. You are such a perfectionist”.

My reply was “Maybe I am a perfectionist, or maybe I’m not. But I believe if we want to do something, then we should give everything we have.”

I believe this applies to a lot of people on a lot of things – jobs, life, love, family, etc. Most of the time, we just do something for the sake of doing it without realizing that we actually have the ability to make it a BIG one if we put our heart into it. For example, we’re being asked to handle an event. We can always throw in some simple activities and just get on with it. All for the sake of doing it. Or we can plan properly and make it the best event ever organized and make everyone remembers it.

If you want to do it, then do it well. But if you do not wish to do it, then just admit it. Tell others you are just not up for it. Don’t commit yourself into creating something mediocre, just because you are doing it for the sake of doing it. Leave it to others who really want to do it. I bet they can do a better job. So if you don’t feel like doing it, just do nothing and leave the opportunity to others. Don’t waste it.

At the end of the day, the decision is still ours to make. But for me, I believe that if I want to take up something, I should be doing it willingly. And by saying willingly, I must be willing to give it my all and not just do it half-heartedly. Call me a perfectionist, or even an idealist, but that’s what I believe in – “if I want to do it, do it well”.

Here are some of the things that you want to think about when you’re cleaning up your list of friends:

Negative-minded people – people who are demotivated beyond repair. They see the bad side of everything. And they are pretty pessimistic. Anything hopeful will disappear when it reaches them. To make things worse, some of them are not willing to change to be more positive. Such friends, we can try to help but in the end, it is really up to them to change themselves. One thing we have to be careful is not to let their negative mindset influence us.

Complain king/queen – this is quite similar to the first type. These individuals will have nothing but complaints coming out from their mouth. They will complain about everything – from the sky, traffic to the people walking along the road. Avoid such people especially when you’re not in a positive and upbeat mood.

Abusive – some friends are pretty abusive and this is one of the worst around. You don’t deserve such treatment. Abusive people, be it friends, colleagues, spouse, or family members, should not be given priority in our life.

Opportunists - there’s nothing wrong with being an opportunist. But if you have a friend who only look for you when they need help, I don’t see any reason why you should keep them in your list. If you still want to keep them, then put them at the bottom of the list.

Backstabbers – another type of friends that you should avoid at all cost. But the truth is, it’s hard to tell who is the real backstabber. So be extremely careful when dealing with this. If you’re unsure, just follow your gut feel. Don’t listen to other people too much because you won’t know who is the real backstabber. But once you’ve confirmed who is behind all the mess, avoid them!

MIA (Missing in action) – the other type of friends is the type who will disappear for very very long time. People who don’t care to keep in touch with you for an extended period of time. Well, maybe they are busy with their personal life and work, but if this goes on for too long, it’s bad for the friendship. You can try to take the initiatives, but it won’t work out unless it’s from both sides. As people say, friendship is like a pot of plant. It’ll wither if you don’t water it regularly.

I know some of those listed above are not very damaging but most of them are. If you want to lead a positive life, then choose your friends and people you hang out with carefully. And for those which are not very damaging, put them down at the bottom of the priority list because …well, we only have limited time in a day. We can only focus on that many friends at one time. Better to focus on those who are worthy of our time.

If you have someone who falls into 1 or more of the categories above, and you rather not remove them from the list, then do spend some time reading one of my older post – “Have someone negative around you and want to kick him away?”

Hope it helps.

And happy Chinese New Year in advance

We hear these all the time from people. The funny thing is, these people would complain and do nothing about it. They’ll still be in the same situation a year later! It’s either they are too lazy to find a solution to their problem, or they don’t really mind about the problem at all. But then again, if they don’t really mind, why are they complaining in the first place? To release stress and frustration? Or to “let it out”, as one of my friends love to call it. Doesn’t look very healthy to me.

But seriously, do you think it’s worth it to spend so much energy into doing something destructive like complaining? If you are doing it once, then it’s fine. But most people do it over and over again! Well, my advice is pretty simple, if you are unhappy with what you are facing now, then it’s time to ask yourselves some simple questions.

• What is it that you are complaining? Your boss? Colleagues? Job? Family? Lack of money? Identify the source of the complaint.
• How long are you doing this already? Do you complain about everything? Or is there one particular thing which you always complain? And how often do you do it? Identify whether the issue is caused by something/someone, or the issue is with you and the way you look at things.
• Do you think this is healthy for your overall well-being? If yes, why do you think so? If no, how are you going to overcome it and stop all the negative energy infesting in your brain? Ask yourself if you are fine with how things are going now and you prefer to do nothing. Or perhaps you DO want to do something.
• If you want to overcome it, how do you think you can find a solution? Cut down on your expenses? Talk to your colleagues/boss? Change job? Think about multiple ways to solve your problem one at a time. Think simple and avoid complicating things.
• Or maybe you do want to change things but there are other factors which are forcing you not to make the changes? Identify those factors and also their impact on your life. Do it as soon as possible. If the factors are so important that you prefer not to change things, then try not to complain too much. The negative energy will not help you at all. And if you are determined to change things, stop complaining too. Focus your energy on how to solve the issues instead.

Life is short and I think it’s better to spend our life doing what we really want to do, and be happy. True, we have our commitments and responsibilities, so making a change can be quite difficult at times. But I always believe that we control our own fate and we build our own happiness. If we always sit around and do nothing to fix the things we don’t like (things we always complain about), those things will always be there to haunt us and make us miserable.

Complaining does not fix things. Action does.

p/s….. but if you are the type who complains about everything from the land to the sky, then you need to change. The problem most probably lies within you and how you see the world.

p/s….. i notice that this post is quite similar to some of my previous posts. guess i’m running out of topics to talk

And that is exactly what life is all about. There are times when we’re being given some of the best things in the world and feel fortunate. But there are also times when we’re being thrown into some difficult situations which make us feel we’re useless. Yes, shits like this do happen (and sometimes they happen a lot too) but I believe that we have the power to make the best out of whatever situation we’re in.

For example, if you are complaining about your job now, there are actually few things that you can do. The obvious option is of course to look for another job. But if you can’t do that, then you have to make the most out of your current situation. Introduce new ideas, contribute more to the team, get to know more people from other teams, help another teammate with his/her task, etc. Make yourself a valuable member of the team, and a valuable employee for the company.

The thing with most people is that we complain too much whenever things are not the way we want them to be. We complain and complain, ….and complain. Yet, we do nothing to improve the overall situation. And no matter how much you try to deny it, the truth is that we CAN improve the situation. Here are few things you can consider doing:

• stop complaining
• think of the positive things in current situation
• think of how you can improve on the positive things
• make yourself valuable to your team and company
• think out of the box

Remember that you don’t have to just stick to the things listed in your job description. Feel free to explore out of the box. Most importantly, you have to understand your current situation. If you can’t move away from it, then change how you look at it.

As Mary Engelbreit once said “If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it — change the way you think about it.”