But rather than focusing on such a big scale, I would say start small. Start by thinking how you can make the people around you feel better with just 5 minutes. Observe and notice the people around you who are in need of your help. Then think of what you can help them with. You can use that 5 minutes to be a good listener, a good companion, to cheer someone up, to help get something done, or to just talk to a lonely friend. Use that 5 minutes to make a difference in someone’s life.

It might not seem to be a lot with just 5 minutes but sometimes, one does not need to go to a great extent just to make a difference. Something simple and nice would do the trick. And most often than not, 5 minutes are all you need to make that happen. Big difference, and minimal impact on your time. Ideal, isn’t it?

Of course, if you have sufficient time, you can always extend it to 10 or 20 minutes. But bear in mind that, even with 5 minutes, you are already doing much better than a lot of people in this world who care less for the depressed souls around them. Remember that the key thing here is to show that you do care.

It’s always other people or other things. It’s always THEM. It’s never US.

That’s one of the weaknesses suffered by many of us. We love ourselves so much that whenever we make a mistake, we push it to other people. It’s easier that way isn’t it? But really, how much does blaming other people for our mistake, help us? Nothing! Maybe we’ll be relieved that it’s not really US, but only for a short period of time. And that’s about it! Oh, we also don’t get to correct our own mistakes since …well…we don’t realize it’s really US. We can’t correct something that we’re not aware of. No?

So if you really want to improve yourself, you should stop putting blame on everyone and everything. Do some self reflections. Maybe some of the mistakes/problems/errors are really caused by YOU and not other people.

For example, if you have been retrenched, maybe it’s because you are not contributing enough. If you’ve fallen sick, perhaps it’s due to the excessive food you’re consuming. If you’re caught in the jam, perhaps it’s because you choose to oversleep for 30 minutes instead of waking up in time to avoid the jam. Yes, a lot of the issues and problems CAN be avoided if we take control.

But please don’t start doing all those self-damaging thing to yourself. That’s the last thing this article wants you to do. Take responsibility is the right term here. Not pushing the blame and responsibility to other people.

p/s…. but sometimes, there are things which are so dead obvious it’s not our mistake. Well, we can blame others but for a short period since blaming others won’t help us much anyway.

Here’s an example. At the age of 25, Kim started working as a chemical engineer (just an example, chemical engineer’s job might not be that unhealthy at all). The pay was very high but she realized that the job and the environment were very bad for her health. So she set a target – to quit by 30. By that time, she should have enough savings to start her own business, or to start fresh in another industry.

5 years later, Kim turned 30. She has been promoted to senior chemical engineer and was leading a team of 10 people. Her salary more than doubled compared to 5 years ago. Yet, she realized that she could not survive in this kind of hazardous environment for long. So she told herself, 3 more years, and she should have enough money to achieve financial freedom.

At 33, she encountered a harsh reality – she has too many commitments, her health was deteriorating, and she no longer has the energy and drive to start something new.

Kim was trapped by her own indecisiveness.

This story sounds all too familiar eh? It’s something which will most likely be faced by majority of the world’s population today.

We all know it’s very difficult for some people to take that first step especially when it involves in lesser income and especially when you have tonnes of commitments. However, nobody says that you need to quit everything in order to make the first step. Doing self-learning at home is also considered as a first step, albeit a small one.

But one thing to bear in mind is that, no matter what you do, you should always think for the future. So what if you’re getting paid a lot NOW, do you think you can last for another 5 years? What if your company decides to retrench you? Will you be able to survive with the skills you have now?

And most importantly, will what you do now help you move closer to your goals (be it financial freedom, another job, own business, etc)? If no, then why are you still doing it? Is it because you’re afraid to make that first step? What are the obstacles in front of you? Try to identify them and remove them one by one.

Remember that if you don’t remove the obstacles, you will never be able to start making that first step. And if you don’t take the first step, you will never reach your goals. By the time you know it, it could be too late already. We only live once.

It happens all the time, irregardless of where you’re in (though the possibility is higher if you’re living in big cities). People will just come to your house and say things like “wow, your house is sooooo small” or “are you still driving that old junk?” or “my son got the first place in his entire school, what about your son?”. The list goes on and on.

No matter what they say, the objective is the same – to make you feel bad and to make them feel superior.

I know it’s frustrating to encounter such relatives especially when Chinese New Year is supposed to be a cheerful and happy occasion. The last thing we want is for someone to belittle us and make us feel inferior.

But hey, remember, we do have choices. We can ….

• screw the person back and make the atmosphere hostile.
• give a forced reply just to feed the person’s ego so that he/she can shut up.
• ignore the person completely.
• or, tell the person nicely that you are content with what you have.

For me, I prefer the last 2 choices. If they want to boast, or show off, let them be. By behaving this way, it shows they are insecure and they need something/someone to assure them that they are indeed doing a better job than others. Insecure people are mostly (if not all) unhappy. They can boast about the Ferrari or the 1 billion cash, but deep inside them, it’s empty and they don’t like it.

Also, if they want to compare, there’s always someone better than them. So what if you have 1 Ferrari? Some people have more than that. So what if you get the first place in your school? Someone else got the first place in the whole country! Yes, comparing with each other will never end. If you think you are good, and you want to step someone down so that you can feel superior…..always remember that there are always others who are BETTER than you.

At the end of the day, why do you even bother to show off or boast since you’re not really that great? On the other hand, someone who realizes that such comparison is meaningless, is also someone who is content with what he/she has. By being content, there’s no such need to compare and by being content, this someone is truly happy.

So the question one should ask is not whether he/she is better than others…. but whether is there really a need to compare with others?

p/s…. Oh, and if someone comes to me and tries to boast, I’ll seriously say “Good for you”, smile and walk away.

Here are some of the things that you want to think about when you’re cleaning up your list of friends:

Negative-minded people – people who are demotivated beyond repair. They see the bad side of everything. And they are pretty pessimistic. Anything hopeful will disappear when it reaches them. To make things worse, some of them are not willing to change to be more positive. Such friends, we can try to help but in the end, it is really up to them to change themselves. One thing we have to be careful is not to let their negative mindset influence us.

Complain king/queen – this is quite similar to the first type. These individuals will have nothing but complaints coming out from their mouth. They will complain about everything – from the sky, traffic to the people walking along the road. Avoid such people especially when you’re not in a positive and upbeat mood.

Abusive – some friends are pretty abusive and this is one of the worst around. You don’t deserve such treatment. Abusive people, be it friends, colleagues, spouse, or family members, should not be given priority in our life.

Opportunists - there’s nothing wrong with being an opportunist. But if you have a friend who only look for you when they need help, I don’t see any reason why you should keep them in your list. If you still want to keep them, then put them at the bottom of the list.

Backstabbers – another type of friends that you should avoid at all cost. But the truth is, it’s hard to tell who is the real backstabber. So be extremely careful when dealing with this. If you’re unsure, just follow your gut feel. Don’t listen to other people too much because you won’t know who is the real backstabber. But once you’ve confirmed who is behind all the mess, avoid them!

MIA (Missing in action) – the other type of friends is the type who will disappear for very very long time. People who don’t care to keep in touch with you for an extended period of time. Well, maybe they are busy with their personal life and work, but if this goes on for too long, it’s bad for the friendship. You can try to take the initiatives, but it won’t work out unless it’s from both sides. As people say, friendship is like a pot of plant. It’ll wither if you don’t water it regularly.

I know some of those listed above are not very damaging but most of them are. If you want to lead a positive life, then choose your friends and people you hang out with carefully. And for those which are not very damaging, put them down at the bottom of the priority list because …well, we only have limited time in a day. We can only focus on that many friends at one time. Better to focus on those who are worthy of our time.

If you have someone who falls into 1 or more of the categories above, and you rather not remove them from the list, then do spend some time reading one of my older post – “Have someone negative around you and want to kick him away?”

Hope it helps.

And happy Chinese New Year in advance

We hear these all the time from people. The funny thing is, these people would complain and do nothing about it. They’ll still be in the same situation a year later! It’s either they are too lazy to find a solution to their problem, or they don’t really mind about the problem at all. But then again, if they don’t really mind, why are they complaining in the first place? To release stress and frustration? Or to “let it out”, as one of my friends love to call it. Doesn’t look very healthy to me.

But seriously, do you think it’s worth it to spend so much energy into doing something destructive like complaining? If you are doing it once, then it’s fine. But most people do it over and over again! Well, my advice is pretty simple, if you are unhappy with what you are facing now, then it’s time to ask yourselves some simple questions.

• What is it that you are complaining? Your boss? Colleagues? Job? Family? Lack of money? Identify the source of the complaint.
• How long are you doing this already? Do you complain about everything? Or is there one particular thing which you always complain? And how often do you do it? Identify whether the issue is caused by something/someone, or the issue is with you and the way you look at things.
• Do you think this is healthy for your overall well-being? If yes, why do you think so? If no, how are you going to overcome it and stop all the negative energy infesting in your brain? Ask yourself if you are fine with how things are going now and you prefer to do nothing. Or perhaps you DO want to do something.
• If you want to overcome it, how do you think you can find a solution? Cut down on your expenses? Talk to your colleagues/boss? Change job? Think about multiple ways to solve your problem one at a time. Think simple and avoid complicating things.
• Or maybe you do want to change things but there are other factors which are forcing you not to make the changes? Identify those factors and also their impact on your life. Do it as soon as possible. If the factors are so important that you prefer not to change things, then try not to complain too much. The negative energy will not help you at all. And if you are determined to change things, stop complaining too. Focus your energy on how to solve the issues instead.

Life is short and I think it’s better to spend our life doing what we really want to do, and be happy. True, we have our commitments and responsibilities, so making a change can be quite difficult at times. But I always believe that we control our own fate and we build our own happiness. If we always sit around and do nothing to fix the things we don’t like (things we always complain about), those things will always be there to haunt us and make us miserable.

Complaining does not fix things. Action does.

p/s….. but if you are the type who complains about everything from the land to the sky, then you need to change. The problem most probably lies within you and how you see the world.

p/s….. i notice that this post is quite similar to some of my previous posts. guess i’m running out of topics to talk

And that is exactly what life is all about. There are times when we’re being given some of the best things in the world and feel fortunate. But there are also times when we’re being thrown into some difficult situations which make us feel we’re useless. Yes, shits like this do happen (and sometimes they happen a lot too) but I believe that we have the power to make the best out of whatever situation we’re in.

For example, if you are complaining about your job now, there are actually few things that you can do. The obvious option is of course to look for another job. But if you can’t do that, then you have to make the most out of your current situation. Introduce new ideas, contribute more to the team, get to know more people from other teams, help another teammate with his/her task, etc. Make yourself a valuable member of the team, and a valuable employee for the company.

The thing with most people is that we complain too much whenever things are not the way we want them to be. We complain and complain, ….and complain. Yet, we do nothing to improve the overall situation. And no matter how much you try to deny it, the truth is that we CAN improve the situation. Here are few things you can consider doing:

• stop complaining
• think of the positive things in current situation
• think of how you can improve on the positive things
• make yourself valuable to your team and company
• think out of the box

Remember that you don’t have to just stick to the things listed in your job description. Feel free to explore out of the box. Most importantly, you have to understand your current situation. If you can’t move away from it, then change how you look at it.

As Mary Engelbreit once said “If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it — change the way you think about it.”

One day, a tourist was in a trishaw, peddled by a man in his 30s. As they stopped at a traffic light on a busy street, a disabled beggar who could not walk properly approached them. The beggar first approached the owner of the trishaw (the man in his 30s) but the man refused to give him anything. The beggar then approached the tourist who gave the beggar $10. After the beggar went off, they continued their journey for about 10 minutes before reaching the tourist’s destination.

The tourist got off from the trishaw, paid the trishaw owner and said this to the owner “How could you be so heartless just now? That guy was disabled and you could’ve spared him a dollar or two.” The trishaw owner smiled but did not say anything. He then got off from the trishaw and slowly pushed the trishaw forward. The tourist immediately regretted what he said.

The trishaw owner was also a disabled person who could barely walk properly.

I relate this story here because just the other day, I was approached by a beggar who was missing his right hand. My dad donated some money to him but for me, I would not do that. He’s not that old and he CAN find a job if he wanted to.

For me, the greatest disability one could have is the lack of willpower. If you do not want to work for yourself, nobody will. And for this, I really want to give my utmost respect to a friend of mine who lost his leg but never gave up. I dare to say he has a stronger will (and more successful) than most ordinary people out there.

p/s…. I know this can be a sensitive topic to touch but just writing how I personally feel. We should only help those who are desperately in need of our help, not those who can fend for themselves.

“This doctor can or not?”

“Why ask me to come here when that doctor not around?”

“How long have to wait?”

“So many patients one, so how long ah?”

…and all the while, the nurse was on the phone with another doctor.

We’ve seen this multiple times be it in a meeting, in an interview, during a presentation, in the operation room, etc. But bombarding the other person with questions after questions is useless if you don’t at least let that person time to think how to answer you. Or worse, not enough time for the person to even give you an answer.

And if there’s no answer, what’s the point of asking questions in the first place?

So if you really want to get some explanations or some proper answers, please respect the other person and give that person some time to reply you. Unless, the sole purpose of your questions is to make the other person feel stressed up – some interviewers do use this technique. Otherwise, you should always refrain from being so impatient.

Ask – respect – be patient – wait – get the response – and ask your next question.

Oh, and the auntie, she didn’t really get her answers back. She asked more than 5 questions but the nurse only heard 1 of them. But kudos to the auntie, she was actually bringing her elderly mother to see the doctor. For this, I respect her and I think a lot of young people should learn from her.

“If only I could be as smart as Einstein”.

“If only I have as big a house as he has”.

“If only I could be like him….”

Most people like to think that way… if only they can be like someone else. If only they can have what someone else has.

Yes, all they do is to dream of having other people’s ability or luck. They never really think of themselves. Neither do they think FOR themselves. What do they really want for themselves? What do they really wish to achieve in life? What are their objectives in life? Questions like these are far more important than all the fake illusions of being someone else.

Also, it’s important for people to learn to appreciate themselves – their physical self, their talents, their abilities, their uniqueness. They might not be as rich as Bill Gates in terms of $$$, but they can be richer in some other terms. They might not be as artistic as Van Gogh, but they can be more artistic in some other areas as long as they believe in themselves. Yes, each of us has a role to play in this world. Van Gogh and Bill Gates have their own roles…so do you, as long as you….

… believe in yourself. If you don’t believe in your own abilities and keep hoping you can be like someone else, then the future does look bleak for you. Because in the long run, the person which you want to become so much, might end up becoming your biggest obstacle to your true self. You will be forever living under the person’s shadow and the biggest success you can ever achieve, is to be another “him”. I’m sure you deserve more than that.

So stop imagining and hoping you can be like someone else. Start believing your own self. Think what you really want to do in your life. Set up short term and long term life goals. Then work towards these goals.

Last but not least, just be yourself…. your unique self. You deserve to live in this world as yourself, not behind another person’s shadow.