On trust and promises
Trust is a very important element in life. Without it, there will be a lot of problems. For example, if you don’t trust your spouse, will you be able to sleep well at night? Or, if you don’t trust your business parter, will you be willing to go away on vacation and leave things to him/her? Or, if you don’t trust your boss, will you be able to focus 100% on your work?
I believe for most people, the answers to the above questions would be NO.
But why do we lose our trust in these individuals in the first place? Is it because they don’t look trustworthy enough? Or is it because they’ve made some promises in the past and failed to fulfill?
For me, the reason I don’t trust certain people is because of the promises they’ve broken. Because a broken promise puts a barrier between me and the person. And that barrier keeps getting bigger with every broken promise. The level of trust is diminishing.
Maybe that is why one of my principles in life is never to give a promise unless I am at least 90% sure I can keep them. Same thing in job interviews, same thing to my bosses, same thing to the clients and also my friends and family. Because I know that once a promise is made, my “level of trust” with that person is at risk. Break the promise, and I might find myself spending the next few weeks/months/years trying to rebuild level of trust.
What about you? Are you a person who loves to make promises but never fulfill them? Do you think the people around you will still trust you after those broken promises? Or are you someone like me who never give any promises unless you’re very confident that you can do it?
Coincidentally, I wrote about this topic a few days ago.
Pikey
15 Jun 09 at 11:05 am
“Maybe that is why one of my principles in life is never to give a promise unless I am at least 90% sure I can keep them.”
Haha, make sure you remember that when you do that you’re the only one for me and till death do us part thing. From what I hear it ranks among the most frequently broken promises ever.
Damien Tan
15 Jun 09 at 12:02 pm
@ Pikey
Really? Hope the idea is somewhat different. I wrote this 1 or 2 weeks ago and saved it in draft. Tend to do that nowadays due to my working time.
@ Damien
Talking nonsense.
Mmmmm. Words are not necessary when it comes to that sort of thing. It’s all about the ‘feel’.
Alvin Lim
15 Jun 09 at 7:31 pm
The comment form is really fanciful.
I am not sure about it myself. I guess in life there are promises bound to be broken, whether you like it or not. And sometimes it’s hard to keep promises under different circumstances.
Promise are usually made in past, to be fulfilled in the future. What if something happens in the future and as a result you can’t fulfil the promises you made?
So it’s kinda hard to say if that person is trustworthy or not just because he has broken a few promises, though he’d leave a bad impression on ppl.
All in all, whether that person is trustworthy or not, depends on how you look at him, according to your own guts, and also experience.
– c H i E n -´s last blog ..The One Type Of Man Women Don’t Need
- c H i E n -
16 Jun 09 at 1:01 am
well , my daddy broke ALOT of promises when i was young ..
like ..he will buy me ice cream if i can sit quietly etc ..
but i still trust him . :p
why ah ?
gapnap´s last blog ..3 random things
gapnap
16 Jun 09 at 1:43 am
@ Chien
yes, i do agree that promises in the past can change since nothing is permanent in this ever-changing world. but simple promises should be kept.
anyway, i believe there’s something called emotional bank in everyone’s heart. if you fulfill ur promises to me, it means you’ll deposit $$ to the account but if you break it, it’ll withdraw. so it depends whether the deposit account is +ve or -ve. If -ve, then you have to do something big to make me trust u again.
@ gapnap
that’s because he has fulfilled A LOT MORE promises
Alvin Lim
16 Jun 09 at 6:51 pm
lol. IN short, you have to earn trusts.
I have so many promises being broken I am just feeling numb when people make any to me already. haha…
– c H i E n -´s last blog ..Walao! Ah Long Everywhere!!
- c H i E n -
17 Jun 09 at 1:04 am
@ chien
i think different people different kua. some people who always keep to their promises will surely be trusted by me
Alvin Lim
17 Jun 09 at 9:48 pm