It’s who you are that matters, not what you have
I went to back to my hometown in Johor to visit my grandmother and other relatives over the weekend. It’s really good to be home. 
And while spending my time with my relatives (young n old), I thought of this short story and want to share it with you all.
Once upon a time, there was this young merchant who has been regarded as a genius by his relatives and friends. At a young age of 20, he already has its own business and led a comfortable life. Although he’s considered pretty rich by many, he has never look down on his relatives and friends. That’s why many of them love n respect him.
One day, he decided to be more adventurous. He decided to move out from this small town and expand his business in the big city 5 hours drive away.
When he was in the big city, his business did well and he instantly became a popular figure among his new friends. But as the saying goes, good things don’t last forever. Few years later, his business failed and he was declared bankrupt. He was forced to sell his properties. But what hurt him most was that all of his so-called good friends have disappeared.
Left without a choice, he went back to his hometown, back to his relatives and old friends. He was surprised when the people there started to offer help to him (provide temporary accommodation, food, money) even though all of them realized he’s penniless. He was deeply touched.
He asked one of his old friends “Why are you still helping me? I got nothing to offer you now that I am penniless.”
His friend replied “Who cares about your money? We’re friends, remember? So don’t be so calculative!”
I’m not sure if this story helps you but this is actually what I’ve realized during my trip back to Johor.
In big cities like Kuala Lumpur, most people look at your properties – houses, cars, money, phones, etc. If you wear a cheapskate t-shirt into the LV shop, you will most probably be ignored. People just don’t care who YOU are. They only care what you HAVE. It’s a very realistic world.
On the other hand, in smaller towns where people know each other well, it’s all about YOU. They will respect and treat you well if you are nice to them. If you’re an asshole, you will still be treated like an asshole even if you’re wearing a Rolex or driving a BMW. What people care is the relationship you’ve built over the years with them.
Heck, even one of the electricians who I know quite well in PJ told me exactly the same thing! Oh, he’s from a small town as well.
Conclusion? Actually the things that you have outside (what you wear, what you drive, etc) are not as important as what you have inside (your personality, your past deeds, your kindness, etc). So if you think you can use money to buy respect…well, maybe it can work in big cities, but it hardly work in small towns (except against few greedy folks).
p/s…. good and true friends are hard to come by. These people are those who will still stand by you even if you’re in a difficult time…..irregardless of where you are. They will not ignore you even if you are penniless. If you have friends like this, always cherish them.
I guess this is more to the impression or perception on how you dress. If you go to Singapore, the condition is even worst. I personally experienced this before.
The first time I visited Singapore I just wore short pants and the second time I visited Singapore, I just wore a little former with tie.
Guess what, the feeling or the respond that I met everyone is totally different. They really respect me based on WHAT I am.
ChampDog
8 Jun 09 at 10:20 am
LOL Alvin . Your blog is like my personal bible ..
yea but some people might take it the wrong way and stop thriving for success ..
what do you think ?
gapnaps last blog post..I’m not buying this whole “Recession” bullshit.
gapnap
8 Jun 09 at 11:02 am
@ ChampDog
You mean based on what you wear, not what you are.
But..mm…if you wear like ah pek in Suntec City…surely people will look at you like one kind. LOL. Heck, even if you do that in KLCC, people will do the same!
@ gapnap
Personal bible? :O :O No way I can compare my blog with that ler. LOL.
Hmm, for your question…let me ask you a question instead. How do you define “success”?
Big cars? Houses? or how you treat and help others, and what others remember you as?
Alvin Lim
8 Jun 09 at 8:28 pm
well , i guess i define success as..the moment i stop trying to prove to myself that i am successful ..LOL ..sounds weird ?
hmm..don’t you think how we define “success” changes over time ..
during our teens , success is doing what we want and what we like without giving a shit …
when we are in our 20s , success is money and power
30s , 40s is probably the people around us . our families etc..
and later ..maybe in 60s when your son grows up . you define success on how well you taught your son …etc ( i don’t know i am not there)
Alvin , will you ever change your definition of success ?
gapnap
8 Jun 09 at 9:51 pm
@ gapnap
Yes, people do change over time thanks to many factors – parents, teachers, peers, etc.
Maybe i am different from people my age? I donno. But for me, money is important for you to survive and live comfortably (but not to the extent of buying everything I want and live without regret, and without worrying bout the debts). So my definition of success does have “money” in it, but only milestones. For example, how much I wanna achieve in terms of SAVINGS by the time I am 30. Why I want to do that? Mmm, I just want to see the money grow.
Not that I am planning to buy anything =_=
Anyway, my definition of success (back to the question) is … to be able to pursue my passions and live happily (be content, spend time with family members, etc). Money and power, as of now, don’t mean much to me except as means to survive.
Alvin Lim
9 Jun 09 at 8:11 am
dude ! what about health and time
i put those above what i wana do with my life
gapnaps last blog post..Meet Mr & Mrs Jamtank
gapnap
9 Jun 09 at 12:48 pm
@ gapnap
time? time is subjective term. if u r spending time doing what you are passionate bout, i don think there’s an issue.
mmm w/o good health, i won’t be living happily also.
Alvin Lim
9 Jun 09 at 12:59 pm
Hmmm, doesn’t what you have contribute to who you are? After all we’ve evolved as visual creatures. We’re more afraid of someone who’s got a bigger body and sharper teeth than we have, just as we (men) are usually more attracted to women with bigger hooters than a flat runway.
We’ve been judging people by what they have for millions of years and not just in the big cities. Village boys get attracted to gals with great bodies, and village gals get excited by nice cars and clothes. The guys with most resources always get the best mates and allies. This is what anthropology tells us.
The fact that we’re still hanging on to our investments, properties and material-based hobbies say one thing. We still allow material things to define who we are. People recognize Alvin as the guy who lives in a condo and drives a Honda City, not as someone who lives in the alley and bums around penniless. That visual association is very hard to break and for most people, defines who “you” are.
The only thing that vary, I think, is that some do it more than others. There’s the theory of the “selfish gene” that explains family and relatives treat you better than strangers. By giving each other warmth and protection, the chances of your genes being passed along to future generations is greater. All relatives share this common gene and all of them have an interest in passing that gene along.
So in a twisted way, kind relatives do treat you well precisely because of what you have, which is that common gene in you. And people in the same village (or small town) are likely to have that same gene after many generations of inter-marriage between families. Which might explain why an old friend in your village is less calculative of your misfortunes than someone unrelated from the big city.
Just tossing an evolutionist’s 2 cents into the ring.
Damien Tan
9 Jun 09 at 4:47 pm
@ Damien
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. complicated. hahaha.
so ppl living in cities have twisted genes that don care about close relationship…but only care bout cars n houses.
Alvin Lim
9 Jun 09 at 5:38 pm
Umm… no, it doesn’t imply that at all. It just gives one possible explanation as to why some people may be closer to each other than others. And yes, science can be a little tough to accept as logic has never gotten along very well with emotion. I’ve long accepted it’s probably why I will never be a popular person. And truth be told, neither do I crave to be one, hehe.
Damien Tan
9 Jun 09 at 6:56 pm
@ Damien
I know. I’m just pulling your leg there.
Popular? er…not really fun actually. =_=
Alvin Lim
9 Jun 09 at 9:28 pm