Stop comparing yourselves with other people
Some people (especially Asians) like to compare with others. Some say it’s for them to remain competitive, while some just want to make themselves feel good (or bad, if they are the one losing out). Either way, I don’t feel it’s a good thing to do because this kind of comparison can go on and on and on. Forever.
But seriously, I don’t quite understand about all these comparison thingy. What’s the big deal if you are driving a Proton and your good friend is driving a BMW? Does that mean he is leading a happier life than you? Does that mean he is more successful? Does that mean you should work harder so that you can drive a BMW as well? Or you just want to drive a BMW so that people will start to look at you with respect (and jealousy)?
Think about those questions for a moment and see if you can come out with some answers.
Besides asking yourselves those questions, there are 2 more questions which you should ask. 2 very important questions.
- Will owning a BMW give you long term happiness?
- What is the thing which matters the most to you? Is it the BMW or is it something else?
Answer those 2 questions truthfully. Now, try asking yourselves again, do you really think that the BMW is something you really really want?
If yes, good luck. End of story. 
You can continue with whatever that you’re doing now, including dreaming of the BMW.
If no, then you are on the right page and welcome to my world.
The thing about comparing with other people is that it is a never ending process which will only make you feel discontent with what you have. Some of my friends said that it is how they push themselves to higher limit. But in my opinion, this “higher limit” is not something which can be represented by nicer cars, bigger houses or the number of private jets. It is more like doing what you are passionate about or doing something which you strongly believe in, and be successful with it.
THAT is what I call “higher limit” – or what most people call as “successful”.
By the way, if you are a self-motivator, you don’t need any external factors in order to push yourselves further. Rather than comparing with other people, I believe comparing with your previous achievements would be a better option. But don’t ever forget about what you have currently. Appreciate it, be content and be grateful. Only push forward because of your need to improve yourselves as a person, not because someone else has bigger car than you do.
Yup, I’ve seen that happen. “My car is newer / more expensive than yours, therefore I must be better”. LOL. Just imagine taking a $100k financing for the latest car, showing it off to everyone, and then be overtaken by a newer model barely a year later. The suffering is endless because no matter what you buy, there will always be something better.
So, better buy an antique.
But seriously, there are also good reasons to compare. Many countries compare themselves to Japan and Korea, not out of jealousy but as models to emulate, like how people compare themselves to Warren Buffet. In fact for them, losing the desire to compare could mean the end of innovation and competitiveness. Personally I do not think innovation and self improvement can happen without acts of comparison.
So IMO, the act of comparing itself isn’t bad. Its the intention behind it that matters.
Damien Tan
24 Apr 09 at 1:41 pm
People compare among themselves because they are kiasu, as simple as that.
Apple
24 Apr 09 at 4:39 pm
@ Damien
Antique? People will start comparing which is older
Well, I believe its more like learning from the successful people in terms of the hard work and the things they do in order to be successful. But there’s not much point to compare yourselves with them because the direction could be very different.
Let’s say Warren Buffett went thru steps A, B, C to be successful. By comparing yourselves with him, do you think you can be the next Warren Buffett if you go thru exactly the same steps? And most importantly, after going thru the same steps, do you think you will be happy where you are at that time?
What I want to say here is, comparison is only good if you do some soul searching first and know very very well what is it that you want. If this direction is what you want, then find a target or a goal and move towards it. Don’t compare with something which everyone says is good, but in the end, is not something you really want.
@ Apple
Kiasi people also
Alvin Lim
24 Apr 09 at 9:20 pm
if you compare non material happiness with material driven happiness, u r just consoling yourself. they’re many ppl who owns a beemer and are far more happier than you’re and lead a far more fulfilled life than you ever will.
assuming u already have all the things/person that makes your life brimming with happiness. would u still rather drive a proton and not a beemer? be truthful now
it’s outright naive for you to assume that many who owns a beemer are merely doing it to show of or as you eloquently put it, ‘comparing’. given, there are many who do drive a beemer beyond their means, but those aren’t who you’re suppose to compare with. you should compare yourself with those who lead a truly happy life derived from non material wealth and yet drives a beemer
stop whining. you can get a fake watch, but it’s really too bad you can’t get a fake beemer eh?
Anon
26 Apr 09 at 12:51 am
@ Anon
Thanks for the comment.
Yes, there are people who are driving a beemer and are happier but since you don’t know them that well, how sure are you that they are truly happy? If their life’s dream is to own a beemer, then good for them, they will surely be happy and lead a fulfilled life. But more than me? Hmm, kinda subjective right? It’s like you are claiming I am not leading a fulfilled life right now without even knowing me.
If I can only afford a Proton, and if I only need a Proton, why should i force myself to go for a beemer? it’s a nice to have. Furthermore, even when I have it, it won’t guarantee that I will be happy. I think i’ll be more worried that someone will scratch my car. LOL.
Hmm, I think you get the entire idea wrong here. I never ever said that many who owns beemer are doing it for show. Do feel free to quote which sentence of mine which made you think so. I m merely asking people not to push themselves just to get a beemer esp if that is not what they truly want. just because someone has a beemer, that doesn’t mean they need to follow.
also, your sentence doesn’t really make sense to me. yes, one can be truly happy and yet drives a beemer. but why should i compare with them? maybe beemer is not the thing that i want after all. and does that mean i cannot be happy without it? i think i can still lead a happy life without it. and does that mean i will be happy with it? that’s a big question mark as well.
oh, and i’m not whining.
i’m very content with whatever i have now. i have a happy family, my own house, my own car and a stable job. why should i be whining?
Alvin Lim
26 Apr 09 at 1:20 am