Talk less, listen more
It seems like most people have no problem talking more, especially with the people they know. The problem they have is not to talk more, but to listen more. Most people find it hard to stop talking and listen to others. True, there are those those don’t talk much, but the amount of people who cannot listen much far outnumbers them.
Fact is, you can meet this kind of people (the type who don’t listen much) everywhere – in meeting, discussion, dinner, presentation, phone calls, etc. They are the type of people who will keep talking, sometimes interrupting people during the conversation. You might think that is a very rude and impolite thing to do – to interrupt others when others are talking, but it is very common and you should not be surprised if you are actually one of those people who don’t listen to others. Try asking yourself, can you pay 100% attention when others are talking? Can you refrain yourself from interrupting others? I know I can’t do that all the time and I’m trying to improve on that. What about you?
I can still remember one incident where my team leader and senior developer started arguing with each other during a technical discussion. It happened last year. The team leader started by voicing out his ideas, and the senior developer interrupted before the team lead finished. And the team leader got frustrated because the senior interrupted few times, not just once. In the end, both of them kept insisting the other to “Listen to me first!” or “Let me finish”. I sat there, stunned and finally said with a soft voice “Can we please continue with this discussion?”
That’s why listening to others is a very important skill. You need it during your conversation with others – customers, bosses, friends, family members, etc. If you cannot even give 100% attention when listening to others, then you can expect others to do the same to you.
Remember, learn to talk less, think more and LISTEN MORE. Give others the chance to finish their sentences before interrupting.
Hope it helps.
In my experience, there are clients that prefer their consultants to do the talking and there are clients that prefer their consultants to do the listening. So rather than have someone gifted in one thing or the other, I found it more advantageous to have someone who knows when to talk and when to listen.
Most sales departments prefer talkers. They see listening as a passive or weak quality and link it to poor sales. They see good salespeople as aggressive, overbearing and pushy. Its a false and very, very difficult psychological barrier to overcome. And I have to say the same thing for team leaders as well.
i m still trying to learn to do this “Give others the chance to finish their sentences before interrupting.”
Definitely agree Listen More and Talk Less… that’s why we have 2 ears and 1 mouth!
Horizons last blog post..Oriental Holdings Bhd: The Buy-Hold Advantage
@ Damien
I think the best skill is to be able to know when to do this/that – balance. Sometimes, being too quiet will make the clients more frustrated. They don’t hire you to sit there staring at them. And sometimes, being too pushy (like those typical sales guys) will make the clients hate you. So the best solution is to have a balance or some sort, between listening and speaking.
I think it’s pretty normal for people to be attracted or have a better first impression on charismatic individuals, as compared to a more passive type…irregardless of how smart that passive guy might be. This is a common mindset in many people…and something which is pretty hard to change.
@ cbenc12
But once you’ve achieved that…you need to learn how not to fall asleep when someone is talking too much. 
it’s not that hard.
@ Horizon
Hhaah, good reasoning.
Alvin:
I have to admit that I am one of them who sometimes end up talking non-stop and forget to check if the audience understand the message I am trying to convey or giving them a chance to feedback/enquire, especially during presentation.
I am trying to improve my listening skill. I have learnt about the difference between hearing and listening. The only difference between these two are in listening, we are empathetic, some refer this as ‘using our heart’, while it’s not in the case in hearing. I have seen significant result when I listen empatically, especially in my relationship.
Just my 2 cents.
@ Trex
Listening and hearing are indeed different. Listening is to hear with heart…and to pay attention, giving full concentration to the person talking. Not that easy, but it’s a must-have skill in order to show our sincerity and to respect the person talking (unless that person is talking crap).