Friendship is like a pot of plant…
And if you don’t maintain it, the plant will wither and die. Same goes for friendship or any relationship with other people. If you don’t keep in touch with the people you care (ok, there ARE some people who you just don’t bother at all), sooner or later they will start to feel more like a stranger to you than a friend.
I’m often frustrated by some of my busy friends and their attitudes – some of them are people who i once considered as very close friends.
There were few times when I kinda offended by their words. Imagine you doing this….
There’s this ex-colleague of yours who used to be very close with you before you left the company. Then 1 day, someone said something about you that you don’t like them to know (example, your next company, your new salary package, etc)….and this ex-colleague accused you of being “fake” and too secretive for not informing him personally. =_= And since then, he didn’t even bother to keep in touch with you. Never mind, being a nice person you are *ahem*, you decided to MSN him 2 or 3 months after the “incident”. The only reply you got was “Huh? you’re very free huh? So nice of you, company hired you to do nothing but to disturb people?”
And since then, i didn’t even bother to mention his name.
Today, another close friend of mine did something which I wasn’t entirely happy about. And she’s really a good friend of mine for many years. Most of the time, I was the one who bother to message her and see how she’s doing etc…. and nearly everytime, she will quit without even telling me. Imagine you talking halfway to someone you care about…and then she’s gone…and you’re still waiting. You’re not even sure if she’s coming back online or not. So i told her this today and i hit the jackpot – she’s on a very very bad mood today due to some problems she’s facing. Well, i do have my own share of problems……though i prefer to treat them as challenges than problems (more positive). And she said she is not in the mood to talk, and gone. 
My heart was broken into few pieces (easier to glue back than say…. a million pieces).
My heart was broken into few pieces (easier to glue back than say…. a million pieces).Have you ever experienced something like this? There are times when you care for some people so much but that “some people” just wouldn’t bother. Friendship or any human relationship, is just like a pot of plant…it needs nurturing…needs maintenance. Without water n sunlight, it’ll wither….and fade….
People come and go in our lives…but there are few that we really want to keep…. Just that sometimes, we cannot control them from going away from us.
You cannot clap with just one hand…
p/s….for that close friend of mine….donno why, but i’ve always forgiven her no matter what. Maybe because she’s a friend that i cannot afford to lose, a friend that i really treasure.
Hi Alvin, I have been thru it all and felt the same way as you do but I have learned to accept that friends come and go. Drop in at my blog and read “Friends close to your heart are treasures in your life” plus “The Brick” and “The Fine Wine”. It speaks volumes of what I feel.
Have fun and stay happy
SF
15 May 08 at 1:16 pm
I think these are just ups and downs in any relationships or friendships. Every person has their own value system, and different levels of tolerance. Instead of trying to get everyone to synchronise (which is an impossibility), we just have to accept that we are bound to blow up on our friends and loved ones once in a while. The key is not to take it too seriously and personally at the end of the day.
Keeping them close by spending more time with them (e.g. chat, go out for supper, buy them birthday gifts, etc.) will help minimise the impact of such blowing-up incidents. I realised myself that sometimes regularly chatting up a friend on MSN isn’t enough. It’s better to have regular face-to-face meetings, and more effective if you foot the bill for the drinks and/or food. Remembering birthdays is also highly effective. People are easier to please than you think.
Essentially, friendship is an investment that requires time and money. If you think meeting up friends is a useless activity (my parents always say that, haha), then you just have to honestly ask yourself what your priorities are right now, and perhaps prepare yourself for a possibly hermitic life in the future.
The Big Movie Freak
15 May 08 at 1:29 pm
@ SF
Yea, i know friends come and go. But for me, i always want to try my best to keep the people i wanna keep before giving up. at least, i know i’ve tried my best.
thanks for dropping by.
@ The Big Movie Freak
MSN and SMS are better than no action or no initiatives at all
Sometimes, even if you want to meet up, it will not work if the other party does not want to meet up. u cannot clap with just one hand. But i must agree with u that meeting up face to face is a much better way to “keep in touch”.
remember your friends’ bday…that’s very important also.
it’s only once a year…sure anyone can do that if they want.
Meeting up friends is not a waste of time. hahaha. If one starts to think so..habis la….
Alvin Lim
15 May 08 at 2:43 pm
Friendship or any human relationship, is just like a pot of plant…it needs nurturing…needs maintenance. Without water n sunlight, it’ll wither….and fade….
You’ve describe this post in a very interesting way. It’s true. Friendship need time and commitment to build. If you’ve built a very strong, good friendship, the plant will be like a cactus. The friendship can stay for a very long time even if you just leave it aside for some times..
Wow.. you’ve inspired me to write this comment..
Using plant to describe a friendship. Haha.. Thank you Alvin..
curryegg
15 May 08 at 3:20 pm
Oh wow. Sometimes I do that too, as in I go off without saying goodbye at times. Hehehh!! Guilty as charged.
But I still value my friends very much.
seaqueen00
15 May 08 at 5:59 pm
@ curryegg
Mmm no matter how strong the frenship is, it’ll start to deterioate also. even cactus cannot be left alone for too long.
hahaha, no problem. anyway, it’s just an old saying that i’ve read from somewhere.
@ seaqueen00
once in a while is ok lo. if nothing to talk liao ok 1. jst don say “hang on” or “brb” …and never return =_=
Alvin Lim
15 May 08 at 7:36 pm
I used to be like you, caring for one particular friend and I’ve always treated her as a very very good friend. But then she didn’t seem to bother you know. It was really painful i know. But then later on I realise that I had focused too much on a friend that I have neglected the others, who at a lot of times, have stood by me more than this friend. I think sometimes you just open up your eyes a little, then look around you, there are a lot of more people whom you will learn to cherish as the time goes by.
And yes I do think that friendship deteriorates as the time goes by. But I am sure you must have got friendships who don’t fade even if you guys don’t keep in touch for a long time. Like my secondary school friends, we are all away from each other, seldom chat, contact, or call. But we have gatherings once in a while, and nothing else can feel better than that. These are friendships you do take an effort to maintain, by coming out to meet them. But then they are so natural, you don’t really have to be afraid that you will lose them anymore.
- c H i E n -
15 May 08 at 9:02 pm
@ cHiEn
Glad to know another FF fan 
Welcome to my humble blog.
And no worries to tat issue, i always hav my eyes open big big to notice those around me. I hv a lot of buddies around and there are also friends who bother to keep in touch wf me every now n then.
secondary sch frens…mmm…some are close…but some feel kinda distant now.
after all, we only meet once or twice in a year.
ps……just noticed deteriorate is the correct spelling. hahaha.
Alvin Lim
15 May 08 at 9:33 pm
That’s a wonderful thing to do right, cherishing people around you. I just love the wonderful feelings of knowing that I will always have a friend or friends who will stand by whenever I feel down..xD
- c H i E n -
15 May 08 at 10:42 pm
@ cHiEn
yeap. tat’s important. nobody can live alone in this world
Alvin Lim
16 May 08 at 9:52 am
Sometimes virtual online friends are better. Although some may be “fake” but you will feel more comfortable to chat with them.
Apple
20 May 08 at 3:48 pm