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Are you afraid of other people’s opinions and criticisms?

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Just recently, a friend of mine wrote a post called “Are you an opiniophobe?“. In this post, he talks about people who have this phobia towards opinions from other people.

Let’s face it. Not many people like opinions and even more people don’t like criticisms. Some even reject them without thinking much about them. Their brain will just keep telling them “What do they know about this? They know nothing!” or “What rights do they have to comment me like that!?” etc etc.

So they will just shut themselves out from everything be it positive or negative.

I’ll be honest with you. I used to be like that and will just shut myself out from all forms of opinions. It does sting and it’s not pleasant at all when someone just comes to you and say “whoa, your work sux big time, just give it up!” I’ve experienced it before and it can be very very demotivating. But those kind of opinions are pretty rare (they are out there somewhere, but there are rare).

What we need to do is to continue with our work (and work harder to improve ourselves). Ignore all these destructive opinions which are trying to bring you down instead of helping you. Get more constructive ones. There are still a lot of helpful people out there and they want to help you by telling you what is wrong. They have good intention.

So if you really want to be successful in the things you are doing, you must be willing to accept other people’s opinions. Learn to filter them properly but not shut them out altogether. Believe it or not, your willingness to accept other people’s opinions will dictate how far you go in your life.

Posted in Career, Entrepreneurship, Life. Tagged with , , , , , , , , .

By Alvin Lim
July 3, 2009

2 comments

What you see is what you focus on

Let me ask you some quick questions. Are you a Toyota fan? If yes then have you ever wonder why is there so many Honda Civic on the road? Chances are, you won’t. You will notice Toyota Vios or Altis or whatever Toyotas but you will not be aware of the Honda cars around you.

Why?

Because that is what you focus on. That is what your mind is looking at and whatever your mind is looking at, will influence what your eyes are looking at.

Don’t believe me? Now, go back on the road and see if you can notice any Honda Civic cars. I’m sure you will be able to see a lot of them. Er…of course, if you’re somewhere in a dense forest and you can see a lot of Honda Civic cars, you better start praying hard. :T

This shows that our mind is a very powerful thing and it can actually decide what are the things you pay attention to, and filter the rest. This happens in our daily life too. Some people always claim that they do not have the best of things in life, and others do have. But the thing is, everyone has the best things in life except that these things do differ from one person to another.

As long as you set your mind to focus on the good things in life, I don’t see why you can’t be happy because there are just so many of those things around us.

Remember, if you keep focusing on other people’s “fortune” and not yours, then you will never learn to appreciate the things around you. The concentration and the focus are not there. Or maybe, they are there, but the target is not the right one.

So start changing your focus. See things differently. Stop focusing on what good stuff other people have and start focusing on what good stuff YOU have.

p/s…. this thing can be applied to your work too. If you have too many tasks, the one you focus on will get done easily, as compared to other tasks. And less mistakes too.

Posted in Motivational, Self-help. Tagged with , , , , , , , .

By Alvin Lim
July 1, 2009

4 comments

Every cloud has a silver lining

Things don’t always go the way we want them to. In fact, if you’re having a bad day, things always don’t go the way you want them to. It can be quite demotivating and it will certainly make your mood go bad.

I believe everyone has such an experience, myself included. But over the years, I’ve learnt that no matter how screwed up things are, it is not the end of the world. And no matter how bad things look to be, there are actually not THAT bad if you look at them from another perspective.

For example, the other day, I woke up late as I was feeling very tired. I was late by 40 minutes actually. So I rushed to my workplace, just few minutes before the training started. Of course, rushing will not make one’s mood good. I entered the office with a not-so-good mood. Guess what? The office building was having a power outage since 6am. If I were to go in earlier, I would have to suffer for longer period of time!

Another example, my business trip to Sydney was canceled. I was pretty sad but when I think about it, it’s actually a blessing in disguise. The H1n1 case in Australia is actually worse than Malaysia so canceling my trip to Australia is not really a bad thing.

There are countless examples that I can give you but I’m sure you get the meaning, so I’ll just spare you with those boring stories. And I’m pretty sure you can find those similar stories in your life as well.

All I want to say is, things do happen for a reason. If it’s a setback, don’t dwell on it for too long. Look at it from a different perspective. Maybe it IS better for things to be in this state. Hope it helps.

p/s…. mmm maybe the spread of the flu virus in my office is also a blessing in disguise? hmmm

Posted in Life. Tagged with , , , , , , , .

By Alvin Lim
June 29, 2009

5 comments

Workaholic vs slacker

What happens when a workaholic employee works with a slacker in the same team, for the same project?

Chaos. Dissatisfaction. Misunderstanding…

… and maybe project failure if all these ill feelings are not under control.

This kind of scenario does happen from time to time and exists in most companies. The workaholic will be working day and night to complete the tasks while the slacker will still complete his tasks, but at a much slower pace. By the way, I’m not talking about those slackers who just don’t work – those people should never be in the company in the first place.

So what happens next? At time goes by, the workaholic will feel unhappy because he feels he is the only one doing all the work while the slacker will relax and do things slowly. On the other hand, the slacker will feel the workaholic is trying to show off and starts to push people around in order to follow his style. Thus, the gap between the 2 will become wider and in a small project team, this can have a very negative impact.

But is there anything wrong in this scenario? Should we blame the slacker? or perhaps it is the workaholic who is being too demanding?

In my opinion, nobody is wrong in this case provided both of them managed to accomplish the tasks on time. It’s just a matter of different mindset/mentality/attitude. The keyword here is to compromise and understand that everyone is different.

For the workaholic – he can continue to work hard and be a top performer but he should not care what the slacker is doing. If the slacker screws up, the leader/manager should be the one punishing him. And if you ever feel under-appreciated, then talk to your boss on how much appreciation/reward you think you should get and NOT on how unhappy you are that the slacker is so slow. Remember that he does finish his job, just maybe not as fast as you.

For the slacker – maybe you are the type who loves to do things at the very last minute, but do remember that there are times when things just start to go wrong. That is why some people like the workaholic prefers to do things faster. True, you might have your LIFE to go back to but you should never blame the workaholic for being…a workaholic. It’s just his style. And as long as your boss is comfortable with your style, then there’s no problem.

The reason I’m writing this post is that some friends do complain to me once in a while that they are working like shit but their teammates are not. I can only say that, leave it to the team lead or project manager. There’s really nothing much they can do. Different people have different working styles and as long as the task is completed, there’s no issue. And if the tasks are not completed……then the person to get the scolding should be the team lead/manager.

Conclusion? Respect each others in the team. Everyone is different and has his/her own working style.

p/s….. have a team of slacker, and your team will die. Similarly, have a team of workaholic is not a very healthy choice too.

Posted in Career, Leadership, Management, Office Life.

By Alvin Lim
June 26, 2009

5 comments

On emotional bank, deposits and withdrawals

I used to read this book which talks about emotional banks. I don’t remember the name of the book but surely it has something to do with motivational topics (duh).

Emotional bank is something which exists in everyone. I have an emotional bank and all the people I know have a saving account in it. And how much I (the bank) trust the person, depends on how much saving (money) he or she has in the bank. If he or she owes me money, it does not make sense for me to trust the person.

Hmm, if you’ve ever played the game Sims, you would’ve noticed that if 1 SIM talks in a way which angers the other SIM, there will be this red ” – ” sign.

That is actually similar to how emotional banks work.

For example, each time your boss praises you, he is depositing something into your account. So you are happy to work with him, and respect him. But if one day, he decides that you are influencing all the colleagues to go against him and wants to get rid of you by giving you a huge pay cut, he is withdraw a large sum of money from your emotional bank. That will cause you to lose trust in him.

1st Praise = +20

2nd Praise = +10

Salary increment = +50

and then suddenly Pay cut 50% = -100

Based on this simple example, it is obvious that whatever we do, we should think of the impact that our actions could bring to the emotional bank. Before we say something, are we actually depositing or withdrawing? And how much saving do we have in that someone’s emotional bank? You don’t expect you can get away alive if you just go and hug a girl that you barely know (not in Malaysia anyway, unless both of you are drunk)? Or do you think a long lost friend will be happy if you comment about his pitiful job or his arrogant girlfriend on your first meeting with him after 10 years (again, should be fine if both of you are very drunk)?

So always be aware of emotional banks and how much saving you have left. Don’t do things which will make the emotional banks go negative.

Oh, if you want to try it while you’re drunk, maybe sure the other person is more drunk than you!

Posted in Life. Tagged with , , , , .

By Alvin Lim
June 24, 2009

6 comments